The Journey

Photo Challenge #20 is: The Journey

I got a few shots yesterday at The Dinosaur Place, that I thought would be appropriate for this theme.  This first shot is one of Jack in the 'a"maze"asaurus', as he is trying to make his way to the end. 

For Jack, life is definitely about the journey and not about the destination. As soon as he found the end of the maze, he immediately wanted to do it over again (and again, and again).

In this second shot of Jack, he is wandering along one of the Dino Trails, in search of the more than thirty dinosaurs placed along the path.

 

To me, the journey isn't just about where we are going, but who we are going with. Tim Cahill wrote: "A journey is best measured in friends rather than miles."  One of our good friends along with us on our journey is our most awesome, daycare provider, Kellee (Haefele) Ratzer.  

I had to steal this picture from Kellee's Facebook Profile.  I have a ton of pictures from daycare but Kellee is usually the one taking the pictures, so she is not in any of them. It makes me realize that I need to start taking some so that Jack and the other kids will have some pictures that include her.

When we began our search for daycare for Jack, Kellee was just starting to run her business and all roads pointed to her.  When our previous daycare provider told us she was full, she immediately recommended Kellee.  Our next door neighbor, who knew Kellee from the Mom's Club, also gave her glowing recommendations.  She said that Kellee was one of the most patient people she'd ever met, and she was right.  She said she would send her own kids to Kellee without giving it a second thought, and eventually when she also needed daycare, she did.  When we met Kellee, we knew she was the right choice.  The fact that she is a vegetarian too, was an added bonus for me.

Kellee has been in our lives since Jack was nine weeks old.  It is very hard to place your infant with someone that you barely know, but it is a decision we have been happy about from day one. Kellee loves her daycare kids as if they are her own children.  

She is a surrogate mom, nurse, short order cook, maid, and preschool teacher all in one (and probably performs other jobs I am forgetting).  She keeps the kids on a pretty tight schedule with the right balance of fun and discipline. She makes healthy meals and snacks and somehow manages to keep track of all of their likes and dislikes and accomodates them.  They are always reading books, learning new songs, doing creative art projects, and playing various games.  They go for walks, play outside, and ride bikes all the time. No holiday goes without some sort of recognition whether its a project or a full on party. Field trips have included the library, Day Pond, the park, and Pumpkintown.

Kellee has been there to help with all of Jack's milestones from sitting to crawling to walking to running, potty training, and learning how to share and be a good friend.  Some of those we are still working on.  Kellee's day doesn't end at 5:00pm when we pick up our kids.  She spends her evenings cooking, shopping, preparing projects for the next day, and cleaning.   In short, she is amazing!

Kellee is always going above and beyond.  She'll drop off toys that Jack left at her house so he won't be without them for the weekend.  She brought his Mother's Day card and project over on her day off to make sure that Jack would have them in time for the holiday. She saves clothes from various kids and passes them along, such that a good majority of Jack's clothes have been supplied by her.  I think at this point she has purchased more little outfits for Vivian than I have. 

In a few very short weeks, Vivian will be joining her big brother at Kellee's house. It is hard to go back to work after having a baby.  The transition this time is made much easier by the fact that our little girl will be in Kellee's very capable hands and that she will be loved and cared for in a way very similar to how she is cherished at home.    

  

My final shots for this photo challenge are of a very tasty dinner Kellee recently made for us, to help make our lives a little easier after having a new baby.  It was amazing, as was my eggplant vegetarian option, dessert, and my favorite bottle of wine.

Saying thank you is never enough. I honestly don't know what we would do without Kellee.

Praying

On May 12th, Bernie and I went to bed early and exhausted from the challenges of being new parents for the third time. Bernie's phone rang around 11:30pm. Woken from a deep slumber to a number he didn't recognize, he was reluctant to answer the call. It was one of those phone calls that you hope you never get, that you pray is a wrong number, the kind of phone call where you are never quite the same after you say goodbye.

The voice on the other end of the phone was Bernie's one and only sibling, Gary. Gary had been in a horrible car accident. He was extracted from the car with the Jaws of Life and flown via Lifestar to the hospital. His injuries were extensive and he was listed in serious condition.  Not really knowing what to expect upon arrival, Bernie flew out to Kentucky to do whatever he could to help his brother.

After undergoing multiple surgeries and spending ten days in the hospital, Gary was released yesterday to be cared for and undergo physical therapy at the seminary where he's been working the past few years.  We are incredibly thankful for the progress he has made so far.  With his own preserverance and strength combined with the power of the prayers everyone has been saying for him, we are hopeful that he will make a full recovery. 

Photo Challenge #19 is: Letting Go of Perfect. This is something that our entire family has been challenged with since Gary's accident.  In a perfect world, he would not be 965 miles away.  He would be here with us so that we could visit him, care for him, and help him on his long road to recovery.  The world isn't perfect and those that love him the most are prevented from being there because of health issues, school exams, and family commitments. 

Things are not perfect at my house either.  Having a brand new baby and Bernie being away has been challenging.  We've been figuring it out one day at a time.  It helps to know that the separation is temporary.  It gives me a lot of admiration and respect for our military families who are separated for extended periods of time.  While we have missed him, Gary needed Bernie more than we did, and Bernie will be on his way home later today.  He is leaving Gary in good hands, and hopefully we will all get to see Gary in the very near future.  He needs to meet his brand new niece.

This picture was not taken this week.  I took it last summer when Gary was home for a visit.  It is hard to get a group picture, particularly when it includes Jack who may or may not cooperate.  This is definitely not the perfect shot that you hope for, but it still captures a moment in time and it helped Jack remember Uncle Gary even though its been several months since he's seen him.

The other person who would be here to care for in a perfect world, is my grandfather.  He is undergoing surgery on his spine as I write this and could also use lots of positive thoughts and prayers. I wish I could be there, if for no other reason, just to give him a hug.

My grandfather loves to travel, I think that might be a genetic trait.  It is not unusual for him and my grandmother to spend months on the road in their motorhome.  There are many places he loves to visit and a few he doesn't like.  Connecticut happens to be one of his least favorite places, although I would argue that some of his favorite people are here.  His biggest gripe with Connecticut is the toll you have to pay in New York to get into our state.  It's not even a Connecticut toll!  Their travel has been sidelined the past few years due to some health issues.  He said at this point he just wants to get in his motorhome and go anywhere, even Connecticut!  I am praying that after this surgery, he makes a full recovery and gets a break from his doctors for while.  If I can get him and Grandma up here, I may never let them leave :-)

Here is another picture with Jack, that isn't quite the perfect shot, the perfect expression, or the perfect angle.  Yet its perfect in my eyes because it captures two boys that I absolutely adore, blowing bubbles.

I skipped Photo Challenge #17: Green, during the craziness of the past few weeks. Being home with the baby, I noticed for the first time since we lived here (almost seven years), that we have hydrangea growing in the yard.  I really like those flowers.  It is amazing how much you miss when you are busy.  I had planned to post a picture of my hydrangea plant in response to the challenge.  However, when Bernie sent me flowers yesterday, I knew that I had to post a picture of those instead. I love Calla Lillies. They were the flowers I used for our wedding.  The calla lillies I received yesterday were beautiful shades of pink and purple.   I'm posting a picture here for now of just the flowers, but when Vivian wakes up from her morning nap, I may try to take some pictures of her surrounded by the calla lillies (which will likely be another exercise in admiring not-so-perfect photographs). 

There is a little bit of "green" in there if you look carefully - LOL.

The past few weeks have been an interesting balance of celebration and concern.  Mostly though, it all just makes you appreciate life and want to hold your close ones even closer. We would be grateful if you could include Gary and my Grandfather in your prayers.

A Baby Story

Photo Challenge No. 18 is Makes You Happy. It makes me very happy to introduce Vivian Caroline Edwards.  She entered our lives and our hearts on May 5, 2012 at 4:29pm.  She weighed 9lbs, 9oz and was 21 1/2 inches long.  She beat both of her brothers in terms of length and weight, but was also the latest of the three arriving at 40 weeks and 4 days. May 5th this year was Cinco De Mayo (as it always is), but was also Kentucky Derby Day, and the super moon made an appearance, allegedly the largest full moon in twenty years.  It was a special day by all accounts.

Friday night we went to Chilis for dinner, Nick went to see his girlfriend perform in a play at school, and we stopped at the casino to place very small bets on horses racing in the Kentucky Derby.  I never look at the stats and pick only by horses names.  I picked "Went the Day Well," since that was my hope for Saturday.  Bernie ended up picking, "I'll Have Another" which went on to be the winner of both the Derby and the Preakness, and now has a chance to win at Belmont and become a triple crown winner.   

I had mixed feelings about being induced.  I was extremely uncomfortable and ready for the pregnancy to be over, but on the same token, I wanted her to come on her own timetable.  I was having almost constant contractions which were making some change to my cervix but not enough to be considered "active labor."  We scheduled the induction for May 5th, but I hoped she would come on her own before that.  My doctors were not comfortable with me going much past forty weeks given my history of big babies and my blood pressure which seemed to keep creeping up during this pregnancy.

We called labor and delivery at Middlesex Hospital at 6:30am on Saturday, May 5th and they indicated that they had room for us.  If it had been too busy, we would have had to postpone the induction.  We arrived at the hospital at 7:30am, and we were running late, so I skipped breakfast (very bad idea).  I understand that by noon, they were having to put patients on other floors because it had gotten so busy. Joan was my first nurse.  She lives in the same town we do, and her daughter went to school with Nick when he was in the public school system.  She was a great nurse!  She hooked me up to the monitor and I was contracting so much, it was almost too much to start the pitocin.  My cervix was soft and starting to dilate (more than it previously had) and we started the pitocin on very low.  I thought we would have a baby by noon but the hours dragged on.  I was so bored at one point that I sent Bernie out to the Redbox to get DVDs.  We watched "Crazy, Stupid, Love" while we waited for things to get going.

It took until almost 2pm to get to 4.5 - 5cm. I knew that I wanted an epidural but at that point, I wasn't in enough pain to warrrant one.  We decided to go ahead and put it in before Dr. Bony broke my water.  Dr. Bony also delivered Jack, and is part of the practice I have been with since I was pregnant with Nick, Crescent Street OBGYN.  I highly recommend them if you are looking for a doctor.

My epidurals with my previous two children did not go that well.  They both left a window of pain in my stomach.  With Nick, I did not know that they could fix it, so I was in a lot of pain through his delivery.  With Jack, as soon as I realized it was happening, we called the anesthesiologist back three times before it was finally right.  The epidural this time went in like a dream and I didn't feel anything until it was time to push. My blood pressure did drop pretty significantly with the epidural and I did need some medication to bring it back up, but it leveled off pretty quickly.  With the previous epidurals, it was several hours after delivery before I was allowed to get out of bed.  With this one, I was up within an hour or so.

The epidural went in, Dr. Bony broke my water, and the pitocin was increased.  I was resting pretty comfortably until I felt the need to push.  When they checked my cervix, they realized I had gone from 5cm to 9 1/2cm in less than an hour.  It was a bit of mad dash to get the room set up for delivery.  At Middlesex you deliver in the same room that you labor in, recover in, and stay in for the duration of your hospital visit.  It's nice because you don't have to be moved at all unless you need to Caesarean section. Everyone got into place and I pushed for less than ten minutes before we got to meet little Vivian.  There was a bit of a scare that her shoulders might be stuck but I changed positions a little bit and she came out without incident.

My mom had been in the area to sample food offerings at The Society Room, where my brother, Brian and his fiancee', Gina are getting married in November.  Mom stopped at the hospital on her way home and saw Vivian within twenty minutes of being born.  Nick and Jack came to the hospital with Bernie's parents very shortly after that.  We were discharged after the standard two day hospital stay, she has been doing great at nursing although we are a little concerned about fluctuations in weight (she would rather sleep than eat).  Both of her big brothers adore her.  Jack is definitely feeling a little jealous of all the time I spend with her, but he has been nothing but sweet and caring towards her.

I know many of you might be wondering how we ended up with the middle name Caroline after Bernie didn't want to use it due to the Neil Diamond song and the affiliation with the Red Sox.  I think I explained in a previous blog that Caroline is my aunt's name (although she pronounces it like Carolyn), and that the meaning is "happy song."  Bernie's Aunt Millie and Uncle Vernon lived in South Carolina and he spent many happy summer vacations at their home.  So, Caroline for Bernie is reminiscent of South Carolina.  Also, while I was in labor, the South Carolina Game Cocks, the team Uncle Vernon followed, was playing on ESPN in the College World Series.  It is very rare that the Game Cocks are broadcast in Connecticut, so he took that as a sign that Vivian's middle name should in fact be Caroline. 

Brian Regan is a comedian that Bernie, Nick and I enjoy and have seen live.  He does a skit about names and whether the name Caroline is prounounced Carolyn or Caroline.  I think Bernie envisions calling her Vivian Carolyn when she is about seven and her correcting him, "no daddy, its Vivian CaroLINE!"

Here are some pictures from shortly after birth and from the photo shoot we did on May 18th.

  

Catching Up

I am now a month behind on the photography challenge, mostly because I was hoping our little girl would arrive to be the subject of some of these topics.  After weeks of trying to keep her in, now she apparently does not want to come out.   That's fine, we are happy that she will be full-term (maybe more than full-term) when she decides to make her grand entrance.

Photography Challenge #13 is: Let's Go Small.

Jack is tall like his big brother.  Once again he is outgrowing his clothes.  I try to wait until the seasons have really changed to go shopping. That doesn't always work in New England where the seasons do not have a definitive beginning and end.  We stopped in at Kohls on Friday to pick up some new jeans and shirts for him.  We are no longer shopping in the toddler section.  While he is only three, he is so big, we've moved on to little boys, sizes 4-7.  The clothes in that section have lost their "baby" appeal and are designed for little guys at least a year older than my Jack.  Between his new clothes, his height, and his haircut, he looks way more grown up than I'd like.  When you see him every day, he grows in small increments so that you really don't notice; that is until I put some of his clothes next to some that we've purchased for his little sister. 

Here is a pair of Jack's new socks next to some baby booties. It is amazing just how little the booties are; especially when you consider that Jack is still wearing toddler size shoes (though barely since he is an 11 1/2).

Photography Challenge #14 is: New.

I was hoping to put a picture here of Nick getting his permit or maybe even practicing driving.  We went to the DMV yesterday for him to take the test, but the line was so incredibly long that the testing hours would have been over by the time we got to the counter.  Word of advice: don't go to the Wethersfield office on a Saturday.  There are only a few main hubs you can test at now and Wethersfield seemed to be the closest.  We are going to head to one of the other ones on a weekday that Nick has off from school. 

Instead, here is a picture of something new to Jack.  Uncle Brian and Aunt Gina got him a giant sock monkey.  His grandmother had given him the normal sized sock monkey a year or two ago that he usually sleeps with.  He loves the giant one that is almost as big as he is.  Last night, he fell asleep on the couch next to it:

Photography Challenge #15 is: Texture.

Last weekend we visited the Connecticut Science Center.  They are currently hosting a traveling exhibit of life size animatronic dinosaurs, entitled "Dinosaurs Unearthed."  This is an amazing exhibit and I encourage you to go if you have little ones that have any interest in dinosaurs.  They are huge and they roar.  I was a little worried that Jack might be afraid of them.  He wouldn't get too close to the exhibits, but he keeps asking to go back and see the dinosaurs.  Here is a picture of one of the exhibits.  The amount of detail that when into creating the dinosaurs is incredible, and you can see the texture sculpted into this one's head and neck.

Other than the temporary exhibit, the Science Center has various floors of hands-on activities to explore for all different age levels.  One of the rooms has legos where you can build your own cars and then race them down a ramp to see which are the fastest.  Jack enjoyed that part.  Here is a better picture of texture from that part of the Science Center:

Photography Challenge #16 is: Play.

The Science Center also has a room with various water tables designed mainly for preschool play.  This is another area that Jack really enjoyed.  In these particular pictures, Jack and Nick are experimenting with building walls out of legos to control the rate of water flow.  Jack really loves playing with his big brother.

That gets me caught up for now.  Maybe next week we'll have some pictures of a newborn.  Enjoy your Sunday!

Thankful Grateful Blessed

When I first found out I was pregnant, I logged on to the What to Expect When You're Expecting website to chart the baby's growth and development.  Even though its my third, I am still amazed at how much changes in any given week. There are forums for each month of each year that babies are due.  Some of the forums form secret Facebook groups for more privacy and less censorship.  I joined a group for women due in May 2012.  There are about four hundred of us from around the world, all with different backgrounds, different socioeconomic status, different marital status, various ages, but all with the common goal of bringing our little ones into the world as safely as possible.  It has been an interesting journey.  Sadly, some women experienced losses in the beginning of their pregnancies, some a little later.  There have been some babies born extremely prematurely, some doing well, others not so well.  We are getting to the point where although its still early, it seems like there is a baby or two born every day.  One of the women in the group recently posted a picture of a bracelet she ordered:

This is exactly the reminder I needed right now: I am thankful, grateful, blessed.  I understand these are available online, here.  I have not ordered one and cannot vouch for the store, but I wanted to at least give credit to the artist. I am not sure I would wear the bracelet, but I have found a similar design in a locket that I might order.  I think A ring would be ideal, though I have yet to find one.

Gratitude is important because it changes your perspective.  It changes your focus from what you don't have, or what you can't do, to what you do have and what you are able to accomplish within the confines of a given situation.  Without gratitude, happiness is fleeting.

My favorite story about perspective took place in the Spring of 2010.  I was one my way home from one of several trips to New Orleans.  It was very early in the morning, I think the plane took off around 7am.  The way that airport is set up, there is really no where to get coffee that early once you've gone through security.  I was exhausted, grumpy, I hadn't had my morning infusion of caffeine, and I just wanted to get home.  As I was boarding the plane, the guy behind me was talking about how New Orleans does everything big, especially the size of their beers.  I bitterly replied that everytime I leave New Orleans I gain five pounds and go home with a hangover.  He replied that it sounded like a good trip.  He was right, it had been a great trip.  It was productive in that I had resolved several cases, and it was fun.  New Orleans is a city I really enjoy.  I didn't have to change the facts at all to see my situation in a more positive light, I just had to change my perspective.

It is easy to take the everyday things for granted, especially when life gets crazy. Life with me on bedrest has been hard on everyone in different ways.  Bernie has been taking care of everything without being asked and without complaining, but I know he is exhuasted. Nick has been great about helping with Jack.  I think the person it has been the hardest on is Jack.  He knows things are changing, but he really isn't sure how.  Everyday he asks me if we are going to go somewhere fun, and I have to keep telling him that I have to rest for a few more days.  To say that Jack has been a challenge lately is an understatement.  In the blink of an eye he goes from a sweet, caring, charming little boy, to a defiant, uncooperative, immovable force.  Some of it is just being three and trying to find some independence, but I think a lot of it is him trying to process what is happening.

The good news is that we've made it to April and I am still pregnant.  I am 36 weeks now, and babies born at this stage are very often "take home" babies, meaning they can usually leave the hospital when mom does.  One more week, and we'll have made it to "full term," which is of course, the goal. At that point, the restrictions are lifted, I can come off the couch and the nefedipine (medication normally used to control high blood pressure, but also used to lessen the effects of contractions, which gives me terrible headaches).  I am thankful for a lot of things, but I am especially thankful that we've made it this far in the pregnancy.  It was a pretty scary proposition when we thought little Vivian might arrive at 32 or 33 weeks.

I am grateful that I have a job that has allowed me to work from home while being on bedrest.  If I had to start my leave early, it would have affected how much time I can take off once the baby arrives. Additionally, without work, I think I would be going even more stir crazy.  Work keeps me occupied and productive.  The alternative: daytime television, is definitely not a good option.

I am blessed in more ways than I can possibly count, but especially, that I am surrounded by such a wonderful, supportive group of family and friends. I don't know what we would do without all of you.

I am once again a few weeks behind on the photo challenge.  Photo Challenge 11 was: Black and White. Photo Challenge 12 was: Song Title.  I am going to cheat a little here (what else is new?) and use one picture to catch up:

Obviously the picture is black and white.  This was taken at the Colchester Dog Park Easter Egg Hunt. The song title is "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns and Roses, which is applicable, at least most of the time.

I am looking forward to dyeing eggs with Jack as we get ready for Easter.  Enjoy the rest of the week!

“Dogs are not our whole life, but they make our lives whole.” – Roger Caras

Photo Challenge No. 10 is: Books. Jack's current favorite book is Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss.  When we read it the main character is "Jack-I-Am" rather than "Sam I Am."  I had this great idea that we would make green eggs and ham for St. Patrick's Day and I would post pictures of that along side my beloved three year old reading his coveted book.  Jack would have no part in this.  He took one bite of his green eggs and ham, declared they were gross and that he wanted "regular" eggs. Clearly he has not really grasped the moral of the story. When it came time to take pictures of him reading the book, he flat out refused.

My next idea for the photo challenge was to focus on our dog, Jenny.  I had planned to start with the book we bought before we even brought her home from the breeder.  The book we so proudly displayed on our end table for many years is nowhere to be found.  I think it was The Airedale Terrier Today by Janet Huxley, although I am not positive. I'll continue with this post by admitting that this week's photo challenge is an epic fail from this participant.  I thought about photographing The Grapes of Wrath by John Steinbeck and using that as the title for this post based on Jenny's most recent escapade.  I think that book is probably buried in the basement somewhere. There are plenty of other books in our house that could serve as subjects, but I am not particularly inspired by any of them right now.

Our quest to find the perfect dog began in the fall of 2003, shortly after Bernie and I got married.  Bernie really wanted a dog mainly because he didn't have one growing up, and he wanted Nick to have that experience. When Bernie's aunt passed away, her dog, Runt came to live with Bernie for awhile.  He had his heart set on getting an English Springer Spaniel like Runt.  I wanted a Rhodesian Ridgeback, mainly because I think they are becautiful dogs and they do not shed.  The dog my family had growing up, Snuffy, was half German Shepherd and I was still picking her fur out of my clothes years after she passed away.  Bernie had allergies when he was little and Nick battles with seasonal allergies and asthma, so we needed a dog that would not induce an allergic reaction.

We went online to Animal Planet's Dog Breed Selector, and independently, Bernie and I both yielded the same result.  It suggested we get an Airedale Terrier, a breed we knew very little about. The more we read about Airedales, the more we knew we had to have one. Airedale Terrier Rescue and Adoption, describes some of their personality traits as: being devoted companions, but expect to be an equal partner in your life; being very smart and extremely stubborn; and having a real thought process and a sense of humor.

We found a breeder in Massachusetts, Rosemanor, and got on the list for a litter that would be ready to go home around Christmas. We went to pick out our dog when the puppies were a few weeks old. Little did we know she would be the one to pick us. As we sat in the room with the available puppies, we would pick up the different ones and hold them.  Jenny would tap us with her paw or her nose to the point where we just couldn't ignore her or resist her.  We picked her up the week of Christmas and she was still very little, literally the size of Bernie's forearm.  I had a very cute picture of this, but my computer crashed during my first semester of law school and sadly, we lost the photos of that day.  She is about four months old in the only picture I have of her as a puppy:

We left it up to Nicholas to name her.  He chose “Jenny” after the main character in the Nickelodeon cartoon, “My Life As a Teenage Robot.” Jenny was definitely a challenge as a puppy.  Knowing how difficult unruly Airedales could be, we signed up for obedience classes and socialization right away and started getting her groomed before she even really needed it.  Cooperative is not always the right word to describe Jenny.  In fact we had to take “Beyond Basics” three times before she finally graduated. 

Jenny is fiercely loyal and protective of the kids.  When we would take her to socialization, she would circle around Nick and make sure none of the other dogs got too close to him. I worried about how she would be when we brought Jack home from the hospital.  Nick was seven when we got her and she had never really been around babies.  She immediately became protective of Jack and would watch very closely if someone other than Bernie or I was holding him.  I remember one morning in particular when Jack was in his crib crying.  He was hungry and I was in the kitchen preparing his bottle.  Jenny would run back and forth between Jack and I, and would bark at me to let me know that he needed my attention.  If Nick and Jack start wrestling and Jenny thinks they are getting too rough, she barks at them to try and get them to stop.  She loves her boys:



Jenny is definitely not a watch dog.  If someone comes in the house, she wants their attention.  At 8 ½ her over-zealousness when greeting people often still lands her in her crate.   She gets along well with other dogs once they accept that she is the alpha. She hates squirrels and is suspect of cats (especially my dad’s cats). We joke that the only way she would protect us from an intruder would be if the perpetrator was dressed in a squirrel costume. She loves road trips.  She is great in the car even when we drive eighteen hours to Georgia in a single day.  She loves being at my dad’s house and my grandparents’ house because she has room to roam and explore, something she doesn’t really get to do at home.  She is not a big fan of water, but she loves being out on the boat.  Jenny loves opening presents.  We can’t put our gifts under the tree until right before we go to bed on Christmas Eve, or she will open them all.  I was frustrated by that this year until I realized that one day she won’t be with us anymore and I’ll be sad when I can actually put the gifts out in advance. Jenny hates being left behind.  When we are all scrambling to go to work, school, or daycare, she gives us the puppy dog eyes and practically begs us to bring her along.

My being on bed rest has been hard on Jenny.  I haven’t been able to walk her.  Bernie has to do everything that I normally do, and its been hard for him to find any free time to take her out.  She has gained 10 lbs in sympathy weight, and she lays on the couch with me all day.  The weather on Sunday was beautiful and Nick wanted to go to the field to practice hitting.  I really wanted to get out of the house and figured I could sit on a park bench and put my feet up while Jack played on the playground.  I thought about bringing Jenny but decided against it because I didn’t know if I could handle her and Jack with the way I’ve been feeling.  Jenny was very upset when we left the house.  When we came home an hour later, we discovered she had consumed the grapes that had been left on the counter. She’ll do things like that when she is mad at us, or bored.  It is her way of acting out and reminding us that she needs attention too. Fortunately we were able to intervene in time, and the grapes which are highly toxic to dogs, do not seem to have affected Jenny in any permanent way.

After 48 hours at the vet, Jenny is incredibly happy to be home with her family. We are happy to have her back, right where she belongs.

Unencumbered

Spring officially begins on March 20^th at 1:14am (EDT) with the Vernal Equinox.  Usually in March in Connecticut there is still snow on the ground, but its dirty and gray; and there is still a chill in the air.  You look forward to the first day of spring because even though the weather may not instantly turn sunny and warm, you know that change is just around the corner. We’ve had an unusually mild winter, and the first day of spring this year has somewhat lost its significance, at least for me.  We have been wearing spring jackets for weeks, we’ve had very few days that even required hats and mittens.  The 10-day forecast includes several days of temperatures in the mid-60s.  I am not complaining, not even a little bit. I would be perfectly happy with a three season calendar that did not include winter.

What I am feeling is spring fever.  Baseball is about to start up again for Nick. Bernie will be playing softball and tennis again.  We are contemplating signing Jack up for “Smart Start Baseball,” which is an instructional T-ball series for 3-5 year olds.  Spring is total craziness in our house.  Between all the practices and the games we are all often like ships passing in the night. We just try to make sure everyone gets to where they need to be with the right equipment, clean uniform, and appropriate fuel.

The noticeably absent activity so far this year is running.  By now, I am usually working on training schedules, plotting which races I am going to run, and figuring out how to fit it in amongst everyone else’s schedule.  I swear my running sneakers stare at me from the shoe rack just begging me to put them on.  I can’t.  I am sidelined, I am on modified bed rest for at least 3 more weeks.  It is temporary and it is for a fantastic reason, but still my couch feels a little like a prison.

When I was driving to the doctor this morning I passed more people than I could count out running and biking.  They all seemed so free, so completely unencumbered.   My running time, is my “me” time.  It is my time to leave all of the responsibilities and worries behind, if even just for an hour or less.  No emails, no phone calls (at least not answered ones), no one needing help going to the bathroom, or for me to get them a snack.  It is my opportunity to dissect and work through the issue of the day, whatever that may be.  I remember all too well how hard it is to get out the door.  You don’t eat the right breakfast, you didn’t get up early enough, there are more important things to do, the first two miles are hard, you have a nagging injury.  Once your feet finally hit the pavement though and you are off, you never question whether you did the right thing.  It is always the right thing. Running helps me find and keep my rhythm.

One of the things that I hope our kids learn from Bernie and I, is that you are never too old to go out and play.   I want them to find the few things that will help them be unencumbered when it feels like the weight of the world is on their shoulders. Sometimes all you need is some healthy competition, dirt, sweat, and a few good friends to get you through the difficult moments.   

There will be plenty of miles logged and plenty of time for races this year, after this little girl makes her grand entrance.  I am definitely going to savor that first mile back, and follow it up with other thing I miss, a glass of wine.  Cheers!