Be Careful What You Wish For; You Just Might Get It

"This isn't working." 

I've uttered those words more times than I can count since my maternity leave ended.  I've been feeling like I'm failing everyone: the kids, Bernie, myself, my house, my clients, my extended family, my friends, even the dog.  Just when it seemed like maybe things were falling into place, one of the kids would be sick, we'd get a snow storm, or I would miss a flight. I feel like we've been holding it all together with popsicle sticks and duct tape, and that something has to give. Bernie tells me that even though I'm feeling like this, I'm not really failing.  I'm still running at about 75% and that is 120% for most people.  Even if that is true, its simply not good enough for me.  I've been searching for a way out, a way to simplify things, praying that somehow this would all get easier, and knowing that in time, it will.  Sometimes, prayers are answered in the most unexpected ways.

On March 7, 2013, I was in Tampa with my Florida team.  I was about to give a presentation. Bernie sent me a text that he needed to talk.  It was a text that would change everything.

Kraft split in October and Mondelez took Nabisco.  Mondelez has been restructuring, and to make a long story short, Bernie was given a severance package.  I'm not really at liberty to get into the details, and even if I were, it is not my story to tell.  Bernie has been threatening to be a guest blogger for some time, maybe he will make good on this promise and explain exactly what happened.  It came completely out of the blue.  It was a total surprise.

To make a long story short, it will not be long before Bernie is a stay at home dad.  Between what is coming with the package and pulling the kids out of daycare, things will be tight financially for awhile, but at the end of the day, if we are disciplined, we will be fine.  Speaking of daycare, Kellee will have some openings because of this.  If you or anyone you know is in need of daycare, let me know and I'll pass along the information.  Good daycare is hard to find, and Kellee is the best! I'm sad that we will be losing her, although I know she will continue to be a dear friend to us for many years to come.

I wish this hadn't happened the way that it did. Bernie has been the "cookie man" for his entire adult life. You can imagine how difficult this is for him.

At the same time, it is a new beginning.  He can go back to school and pursue whatever he wants, whether its art, graphic design, or human resources. He will get to have real, uninterrupted, quality time with the kids.  I am admittedly at least a little jealous. I am truly excited to see what is next for him, for all of us.  Stay at home dads aren't what they used to be.  They aren't the crazy Michael Keaton character in the 1980s film, "Mr. Mom."  They are fully competent, smart, sexy, sensitive and forging their own way.  Think of Will Arnett's Character in "Up All Night" or Sam Jaeger's character in "Parenthood." Not surprisingly, these are two of my favorite shows when I actually have time to watch television (or at least snippits on Hulu Plus on my way to work when I actually catch the bus). Bernie will do things his own way, which is probably way better than the way I would have done them anyway.  This is going to be a good thing for all of us. We get to slow down and breathe a little bit.

I will be planning his 1/2 retirement party in the very near future, let me know if you'd like to join us.

The Purple Nurple Tour - Georgia Edition

We arrived in Georgia around 7:30pm on Tuesday night (2/19/13 - yes I've been meaning to complete this post for awhile now).  My grandparents' house on a lake in the mountains, is one of my very favorite places.  Grandpa got a sign for the front gate that says "The Inn on the Lake."  It is meant for family and friends, it has never been an official bed and breakfast of any kind.  He had to take the sign down for a few years because the local assessor tried to tax the property as a commercial entity.  He has since returned the sign to its rightful place.  The view is breathtaking.  I'm sure I've posted it before and I'll probably post it again. The lake was so still when I took this, it was like a mirror.

We also celebrated Nick's birthday with my grandparents.  They had asked the baker at the grocery store to write "Happy Birthday Nick" on the cake.  The baker must have heard Dick instead of Nick, because that is what was on the cake. No one noticed at first because we all just assumed it was a sloppy "N."  Upon further examination, it was definitely a "D."  We all had a good laugh about that.

As I was tucking Jack into bed that night he said, "That's enough! Nick's birthday is over!"  I guess three cakes in three locations was too much for Jack.  I didn't have the heart to tell him that our family at home still wanted to celebrate too.  It is good to be loved.

Those of you that read my blog and/or are friends with me on Facebook know that Jack can be very strong willed and difficult to manage at times.  I took him out to the lake to throw rocks and I watched him act with intention and enthusiasm each and every time  in both selecting the perfect rocks and hurling them into the lake.  I mentioned to my grandmother that Jack put his whole self into that activity.  She commented, "isn't that the way he does everything?"  She is so right.  Part of him being difficult is his attention to detail of even seemingingly insignifiant tasks.  He wants things done the way they should be done in his mind; and he is 110% invested.  Here are some pictures of Jack on the beach.

Here is Vivian and Beethoven.  They were awfully cute together.  For the entire time we were there, the two of them were trying to figure each other out.

Our visit at the lake was truly wonderful but unfortunately very brief. The next stop was my Aunt Kelly and Uncle Rich's house in an Atlanta suburb.  We got to have dinner on Thursday evening with my Aunt and Uncle and my cousin Lindsey and her husband, Jeremy.

Here my aunt is teaching my husband how to properly prepare the meat for chicken parmesean.  Bernie commented that beating the meat was helping him get his frustrations out and that he wanted a hammer and an apron for our kitchen (be careful what you wish for)!

Two of my favorite girls:

I have pictures of my beautiful cousin, Lindsey but she made me promise not to post them anywhere.  So here is Jeremy and Jack instead (clearly they were not having any fun):

And this one is just too cute not to post:

After a truly wonderful dinner, we headed to Marietta for the evening.  In the morning Nick and Bernie went to look at Southern Polytechnic State University. Nick liked what SPSU had to offer.  Bernie said he wanted to go back to college so he could participate in some of their student activities. In particular they have a Zombie hunt game for two weeks in the fall.  The thing most attractive about SPSU is how close it is the Duluth/Buford branch of our family. Here is Nick on that tour:

While Bernie and Nick were at SPSU, I took Vivi and Jack to IHOP for breakfast.  Jack was in heaven when he ordered and consumed his first happy face chocolate chip pancake. He wanted to know if there was an IHOP near home.

After SPSU we headed four hours east (the most boring drive on the whole trip) to Savannah.  I've always wanted to explore Savannah but by the time we got there, it was dark and foggy, and we were exhausted.  We drove through the Riverwalk and decided we would return to check it out this summer and also eat at Paula Deen's restaurant. We stayed in mid-town and the hotel was awful.  While it was a Marriott, it was more like a converted Motel 6.  If you are ever in Savannah - avoid that one at all costs. There are lots of much nicer places to stay.

On Saturday, Nick and I attended the Pirate Preview Open House at Armstrong Atlantic University. The school actually rented trolleys to cart people around their becautiful campus. Nick liked the little bit of Savannah that we actually saw and he did like Armstrong.  He is leaving it on the list. The fact that it is so far from family and the computer science department is on the smaller side, keeps it out of his top five for now.  Here he is at Armstrong:

That completed our out of state college tours.  Next up in-state stops at Eastern and Avery Point. He also wants to see UCONN so that he can see where he would end up if he started at Avery Point. Nick has a lot of big decisions to make in the coming months, there are many exciting possibilities for him.

The ride home was pretty uneventful. We stopped in Baltimore at the Inner Harbor. Bernie wanted to get some crab cakes.  He was also hoping to pick up Chesapeake Bay Crabs and bring them home to his mom, but apparently they are only in season in the summer.  In the winter, their shells turn hard and they don't taste very well, or so I am told.  I think Baltimore was one of Bernie's favorite parts of the trip. We will definitely have to go back at some point, maybe for the Seafood Festival.  Jack got his Baltimore pin at the Hard Rock, and even Bernie got one this time.  He couldn't pass up the crab pin, and Jack wanted the treasure chest.  We had luch at Phillip's Seafood. Vivian was laughing and flirting with the toddler boy at the table next to us.  It was very cute.  Bernie said his crab cake was maybe one of the best he's ever had.  On the way back to the car, Jack played in Pierce's Park. The park is unique in that it has a musical fence and engraved homophones.  What a great idea!  Jack loved it!

Overall it was a very productive trip, although not a very relaxing one.  I think we were all happy to get home!