Off the Hook

To my adult son (and eventually to my other children),

I know you have been struggling with whether to spend Thanksgiving with us. In thinking about our interactions, I may have been sending you mixed messages. I want to be very clear: you are off the hook.

We love having you with us. You are always invited, always welcome, any day, any time. That is a given. Always.

Members of this family have used guilt to manipulate people for years. As a result, some people have been driven away and others immobilized. Guilt is one of those things that can destroy relationships. I am not going to use it on you, not now, not ever. If I ever do, I want you to point me to this post and hold me accountable. I love you too much to make you feel bad or guilty about anything. 

The most important thing to me is that you are at peace with your decisions and that you are doing things that make you happy. Life is too short to do anything else. Do what works best for you, your schedule, and your life. You have made many solid decisions in the short time you have been an adult. I trust you will continue to do that. I am in your corner 1000%. 

I am truly fine with whatever you decide about holidays, summers, birthdays, and even beyond college. Those decisions are yours and yours alone. You should be limited by only your imagination. When you figure out what you want, in your own time, and in your own way, please let us know. We want to do what we can to support you. 

There will be times when you are not off the hook; like when your brother is in his first Wimbledon final or your sister is being sworn in as President of the United States. I will let you know when those events happen and will give you as much notice as possible. Until then, you have enough to worry about; and where you are consuming turkey should not be one of them. Whether you are with us, eating a Hungry Man turkey dinner alone in your dorm room (which I really hope isn't the case), or with your new girlfriend (which we suspect might be the case), please know that one of the things I am most thankful for, is that I get to be your mom. It's been an amazing ride, and I don't think that is going to change any time soon. 

Wherever you end up, I hope you are with people who appreciate your debates and sharp wit as much as we do. 

Love,

Mom