Redshirting

We are "redshirting" Jack. According to Wikipedia, "Redshirting is the practice of postponing entrance into kindergarten of age-eligible children in order to allow extra time for socioemotional, intellectual, or physical growth. This occurs most frequently where children's birthdays are so close to the cut-off dates that they are very likely to be among the youngest in their kindergarten class."

Jack is age-eligible for Kindergarten. In our town, you have to be five by January 1st. Jack will turn five shortly after Thanksgiving. Many parents "redshirt" boys because generally their vocabulary is 12-18 months behind girls. That isn't an issue with Jack. His vocabulary is amazing. Academically he is just about ready for Kindergarten.  Socially, he seems a little immature to me but he definitely steps up when mom and dad are not around.  Is he ready for Kindergarten? Probably, but probably isn't good enough for me.  

When Jack was in daycare full-time I struggled a little with the fact that he wasn't in a "school" environment. I worried that he was somehow missing out on learning to navigate through an ultra-structured environment. Time will tell, but honestly I think the years of nurturing and individualized attention he received from Kellee has made him better prepared for school and life generally than the curriculum Nick went through both at Montessori preschool and at the Montville preschool. 

The biggest reason I am "holding him back" if you can even call it that, is self confidence. Early success in school will only foster his faith in himself. I don't want Kindergarten to come as a challenge to him. I want him to be a leader in his classroom simply because that is his natural role. Does that make me a bad person? The people that argue against redshirting seem to say yes.

Our friends who have older kids with late birthdays say they feel like their kids are always six months behind in school and they wish they would have waited. Others are sending young 17 year olds off to college feeling like they aren't quite ready. The first time I spoke with Jack's preschool teacher, she praised our decision saying she wished more parents would consider this option. 

Is it really wrong to give him one more year with Dad? One year to try out a traditional nursery school, and to continue to develop his reading, writing and math skills? I can't see how that harms anyone.

Then there is the mommy guilt. We are watching his 4 and 5 year old friends graduate from preschool and preparing to ride the big yellow bus. It makes me wonder whether we are doing the right thing. I feel like "holding him back" is somehow the opposite of what I should be doing, which I guess is pushing him onward and upward.

I worry about whether he will be teased. He is tall for his age. Will the kids wonder why Jack is turning 6 or 8 or 12 ahead of them?  When we moved here I was peppered with those questions. I started school in a system where you had to be 5 before September 1st. I have a December birthday so I had to wait another year. It was a simple explanation and I shrugged off the questions. What will Jack say? ("My mommy didn't think I was ready?") Lol. I guess we'll have to work on that.

When I see this picture, I am immediately reminded of how Jack is still in many ways only four, just a little guy.  He and Bernie waited in line for 90 minutes to meet Jack's hero. When it was Jack's turn he was too shy to shake Darth Vader's hand, give him hug, or use the force on him.

I suppose anytime you make an unconventional decision about your child, you will second guess yourself.  I just want to give him the most solid foundation possible.

Be Careful What You Wish For; You Just Might Get It

"This isn't working." 

I've uttered those words more times than I can count since my maternity leave ended.  I've been feeling like I'm failing everyone: the kids, Bernie, myself, my house, my clients, my extended family, my friends, even the dog.  Just when it seemed like maybe things were falling into place, one of the kids would be sick, we'd get a snow storm, or I would miss a flight. I feel like we've been holding it all together with popsicle sticks and duct tape, and that something has to give. Bernie tells me that even though I'm feeling like this, I'm not really failing.  I'm still running at about 75% and that is 120% for most people.  Even if that is true, its simply not good enough for me.  I've been searching for a way out, a way to simplify things, praying that somehow this would all get easier, and knowing that in time, it will.  Sometimes, prayers are answered in the most unexpected ways.

On March 7, 2013, I was in Tampa with my Florida team.  I was about to give a presentation. Bernie sent me a text that he needed to talk.  It was a text that would change everything.

Kraft split in October and Mondelez took Nabisco.  Mondelez has been restructuring, and to make a long story short, Bernie was given a severance package.  I'm not really at liberty to get into the details, and even if I were, it is not my story to tell.  Bernie has been threatening to be a guest blogger for some time, maybe he will make good on this promise and explain exactly what happened.  It came completely out of the blue.  It was a total surprise.

To make a long story short, it will not be long before Bernie is a stay at home dad.  Between what is coming with the package and pulling the kids out of daycare, things will be tight financially for awhile, but at the end of the day, if we are disciplined, we will be fine.  Speaking of daycare, Kellee will have some openings because of this.  If you or anyone you know is in need of daycare, let me know and I'll pass along the information.  Good daycare is hard to find, and Kellee is the best! I'm sad that we will be losing her, although I know she will continue to be a dear friend to us for many years to come.

I wish this hadn't happened the way that it did. Bernie has been the "cookie man" for his entire adult life. You can imagine how difficult this is for him.

At the same time, it is a new beginning.  He can go back to school and pursue whatever he wants, whether its art, graphic design, or human resources. He will get to have real, uninterrupted, quality time with the kids.  I am admittedly at least a little jealous. I am truly excited to see what is next for him, for all of us.  Stay at home dads aren't what they used to be.  They aren't the crazy Michael Keaton character in the 1980s film, "Mr. Mom."  They are fully competent, smart, sexy, sensitive and forging their own way.  Think of Will Arnett's Character in "Up All Night" or Sam Jaeger's character in "Parenthood." Not surprisingly, these are two of my favorite shows when I actually have time to watch television (or at least snippits on Hulu Plus on my way to work when I actually catch the bus). Bernie will do things his own way, which is probably way better than the way I would have done them anyway.  This is going to be a good thing for all of us. We get to slow down and breathe a little bit.

I will be planning his 1/2 retirement party in the very near future, let me know if you'd like to join us.

The Purple Nurple Tour - Georgia Edition

We arrived in Georgia around 7:30pm on Tuesday night (2/19/13 - yes I've been meaning to complete this post for awhile now).  My grandparents' house on a lake in the mountains, is one of my very favorite places.  Grandpa got a sign for the front gate that says "The Inn on the Lake."  It is meant for family and friends, it has never been an official bed and breakfast of any kind.  He had to take the sign down for a few years because the local assessor tried to tax the property as a commercial entity.  He has since returned the sign to its rightful place.  The view is breathtaking.  I'm sure I've posted it before and I'll probably post it again. The lake was so still when I took this, it was like a mirror.

We also celebrated Nick's birthday with my grandparents.  They had asked the baker at the grocery store to write "Happy Birthday Nick" on the cake.  The baker must have heard Dick instead of Nick, because that is what was on the cake. No one noticed at first because we all just assumed it was a sloppy "N."  Upon further examination, it was definitely a "D."  We all had a good laugh about that.

As I was tucking Jack into bed that night he said, "That's enough! Nick's birthday is over!"  I guess three cakes in three locations was too much for Jack.  I didn't have the heart to tell him that our family at home still wanted to celebrate too.  It is good to be loved.

Those of you that read my blog and/or are friends with me on Facebook know that Jack can be very strong willed and difficult to manage at times.  I took him out to the lake to throw rocks and I watched him act with intention and enthusiasm each and every time  in both selecting the perfect rocks and hurling them into the lake.  I mentioned to my grandmother that Jack put his whole self into that activity.  She commented, "isn't that the way he does everything?"  She is so right.  Part of him being difficult is his attention to detail of even seemingingly insignifiant tasks.  He wants things done the way they should be done in his mind; and he is 110% invested.  Here are some pictures of Jack on the beach.

Here is Vivian and Beethoven.  They were awfully cute together.  For the entire time we were there, the two of them were trying to figure each other out.

Our visit at the lake was truly wonderful but unfortunately very brief. The next stop was my Aunt Kelly and Uncle Rich's house in an Atlanta suburb.  We got to have dinner on Thursday evening with my Aunt and Uncle and my cousin Lindsey and her husband, Jeremy.

Here my aunt is teaching my husband how to properly prepare the meat for chicken parmesean.  Bernie commented that beating the meat was helping him get his frustrations out and that he wanted a hammer and an apron for our kitchen (be careful what you wish for)!

Two of my favorite girls:

I have pictures of my beautiful cousin, Lindsey but she made me promise not to post them anywhere.  So here is Jeremy and Jack instead (clearly they were not having any fun):

And this one is just too cute not to post:

After a truly wonderful dinner, we headed to Marietta for the evening.  In the morning Nick and Bernie went to look at Southern Polytechnic State University. Nick liked what SPSU had to offer.  Bernie said he wanted to go back to college so he could participate in some of their student activities. In particular they have a Zombie hunt game for two weeks in the fall.  The thing most attractive about SPSU is how close it is the Duluth/Buford branch of our family. Here is Nick on that tour:

While Bernie and Nick were at SPSU, I took Vivi and Jack to IHOP for breakfast.  Jack was in heaven when he ordered and consumed his first happy face chocolate chip pancake. He wanted to know if there was an IHOP near home.

After SPSU we headed four hours east (the most boring drive on the whole trip) to Savannah.  I've always wanted to explore Savannah but by the time we got there, it was dark and foggy, and we were exhausted.  We drove through the Riverwalk and decided we would return to check it out this summer and also eat at Paula Deen's restaurant. We stayed in mid-town and the hotel was awful.  While it was a Marriott, it was more like a converted Motel 6.  If you are ever in Savannah - avoid that one at all costs. There are lots of much nicer places to stay.

On Saturday, Nick and I attended the Pirate Preview Open House at Armstrong Atlantic University. The school actually rented trolleys to cart people around their becautiful campus. Nick liked the little bit of Savannah that we actually saw and he did like Armstrong.  He is leaving it on the list. The fact that it is so far from family and the computer science department is on the smaller side, keeps it out of his top five for now.  Here he is at Armstrong:

That completed our out of state college tours.  Next up in-state stops at Eastern and Avery Point. He also wants to see UCONN so that he can see where he would end up if he started at Avery Point. Nick has a lot of big decisions to make in the coming months, there are many exciting possibilities for him.

The ride home was pretty uneventful. We stopped in Baltimore at the Inner Harbor. Bernie wanted to get some crab cakes.  He was also hoping to pick up Chesapeake Bay Crabs and bring them home to his mom, but apparently they are only in season in the summer.  In the winter, their shells turn hard and they don't taste very well, or so I am told.  I think Baltimore was one of Bernie's favorite parts of the trip. We will definitely have to go back at some point, maybe for the Seafood Festival.  Jack got his Baltimore pin at the Hard Rock, and even Bernie got one this time.  He couldn't pass up the crab pin, and Jack wanted the treasure chest.  We had luch at Phillip's Seafood. Vivian was laughing and flirting with the toddler boy at the table next to us.  It was very cute.  Bernie said his crab cake was maybe one of the best he's ever had.  On the way back to the car, Jack played in Pierce's Park. The park is unique in that it has a musical fence and engraved homophones.  What a great idea!  Jack loved it!

Overall it was a very productive trip, although not a very relaxing one.  I think we were all happy to get home!

The Purple Nurple Tour - Kentucky Edition

Saturday night in Louisville we ended up in the same hotel with a bunch of teenagers in town for a basketball tournament. The kids were left almost completely unsupervised and were slamming doors, giggling and yelling until 3am.  After three calls to the front desk and numerous visits by the hotel manager, the kids were forced into a room with an adult and things finally quieted down. Our 2-night stay ended up being on the house, but that hardly made up for the fact that Bernie and I were completely exhausted on our only full-day in Louisville which intentionally coincided with Nick's birthday.

Nick spent both nights in Louisville with Gary and Katie.  They gave Nick a few options of what we could do for his 17th birthday.  Nick chose Lazer Blaze; a place that offered Laser Tag, black light minature golf, and arcade games. Gary coached Jack on Skee-ball technique:

Katie, Gary, and Bernie all took turns playing laser tag with Nick.  Jack was sad that he was too little to play. We watched them run around the arena from the observation deck.  After that, we all played mini-golf.  It was the first time Jack played, we really didn't enforce the rules, and he had a good time.  He was a little afraid of some of the aliens and other creatures in the room, but he seemed to be better when we confirmed for him that it was all pretend.

I had Vivian in the Ergobaby Carrier while I played.  I was beating Bernie by one stroke going into the eighth (out of nine) holes.  Here he is concentrating on his shot to try and beat me.  Such a serious game - LOL. He ended up tying me so I guess we will have to have a rematch.

Katie hit the jackpot on her first try for one of the games that gives you tickets. We'll have to take her to the casino when her and Gary come to visit and see if she can be just as lucky there. She gave all her tickets to Jack, as did everyone else.  I think she may have regretted that decision.  Jack purchased little rubber men that stick to the wall when you throw them.  He got a few stuck on the ceiling in their living room.

We went to Buca di Beppo for Nick's second birthday celebration. He was completely embarassed as the wait staff sang to him. When dinner was over, Jack took me up on the offer to take pictures next to the statutes and he even got Katie and Gary in on the fun. Yes, Jack did wear his Darth Vader costume the entire day.  He had fun using "the force" whenever he felt the need.

When dinner was over, we went back to Katie and Gary's place. Katie was teaching Vivian how to be a good sister by tying her big brother's shoelaces together.

Just as Jack was sad to leave Buffalo, he was sad to leave Louisville too. We headed out Monday morning to participate in a tour at Morehead State University in Morehead, KY. Morehead is two hours east of Louisville.  It is one of the more affordable options on Nick's list, even for an out of state student.  They offer a computer gaming concentration within the Computer Science major.  While I think this may be a modern day equivalent of basketweaving, it actually wouldn't be a bad minor with a more serious computer programming major. With a student population around 10k it was larger than some of the other schools Nick has liked. He didn't mind the size since the campus is compact. Here is Nick on the tour:

While Vivi, Nick, and I were on the tour, Jack and Bernie had a picnic at a local park. When we were done at Morehead, we headed four hours south to Cookeville, TN.  Cookeville provided the lowlight of our dining experiences; Bernie will never again eat at Logan's Roadhouse. We called from the car to order take-out.  The meal he chose from the menu on-line was no longer offered and what they substituted it with wasn't very good.  On top of that, Jack's macaroni and cheese was so small it was packed in a condiment container.  I called forty minutes before we arrived and we still had to wait 15-20 minutes for our food. Since the highlight of our college tour was Tennesee Tech University (TTU), we are fortunate that there are many other restaurants to choose from in Cookeville. 

TTU leapfrogged to the top of Nick's list after we visited on Tuesday. The campus is beautiful.  All of the buildings are done in the same style, regardless of when they were built. The tour was extremely well organized.  Nick really enjoyed meeting with an advisor from the computer science department who talked about all of the companies that are coming to TTU to recruit. He likes the fact that the computer science program is in the engineering school rather than the business school.  He liked the ice cream, and he liked the fact that one of the official school colors is purple.  Here is Nick at TTU:

Vivi came with us on that tour too. While we were at TTU, Jack and Bernie went swimming at the hotel.  Jack really enjoyed it and was convinced that he could go swimming in the lake at my grandparents' house despite the fact that it is February.

The Purple Nurple Tour - Buffalo Edition

We left on Valentine's Day to go on a road trip similar to the one we took this summer.  Our loop is much smaller this time (sadly we had to cut St. Louis, Louisiana, and Florida), and our purpose is much different.  We are looking at colleges to figure out what might be a good fit for Nicholas.  He wants to attend a smaller school that is reasonably close to some family.  One of the great things about this trip is that we will get to see a lot of people that we love.

The first stop was Buffalo, NY.  We have already visited Canisius and Niagara University.  So far, Canisius is still Nick's top choice. We came through Buffalo because we wanted to look at Niagara County Community College (NCCC), we wanted to avoid the PA Turnpike on our way out to Louisville, and we wanted to visit my Dad and Arleen. We got in pretty late on Thursday night, we basically unpacked and tried to get some sleep, although Jack and Vivi were wired and had other plans.

On Friday Vivi and I took Nick over to NCCC to tour the facilities and meet with an admissions counselor. I wanted him to see at least one junior college to get an idea of a lot of different options. Canisius is very expensive, so it might make sense to start at a place like NCCC and then transfer for his last two years. NCCC offers many things you would find at a four year school, including dormitories. It is exactly 6 miles from my Dad and Arleen's house. The only real down side I saw was that the dorms are really apartments with full kitchens, so they don't offer a traditional meal plan.  I think that is a great option maybe your third or fourth year in college, but I can't picture Nick grocery shopping and cooking his own meals his first year away from home.  Maybe he will surprise me.  Here he is in the admissions office:

NCCC offers a ton of different programs, one of which is "Winery Operations." I think I missed my calling in life. Why didn't they offer this when I was in college?  Is it too late to go back to school? LOL

Speaking of wineries, my Dad lives on the Niagara Wine Trail.  Our favorite vineyard is Niagara Landing. When we were visiting my Dad and Arleen in May of 2010, they had just gotten a Saturn Sky and my Dad was giving everyone rides in the new car. He took Bernie down to Niagara Landing. Prior to going to the vineyard, Bernie and I were talking with my grandparents on the back deck and drinking wine.  My grandfather kept refilling our glasses and neither of us seemed to notice. Bernie did a wine tasting at Niagara Landing and purchased six bottles of wine before returning to the house.  My Dad then then took me to the winery, where I did a tasting and decided to purchase six different bottles of wine than what Bernie had purchased.  They give you a 5% discount when you purchase six bottles and a 10% discount when you purchase a case.  I mentioned that my husband had just purchased six bottles, and was wondering if I could get the case discount since I was purchasing six more.  The vinter said, "oh, the drunk guy?" Because of that, Bernie will forever be known in the Greater Buffalo Area (or at least to my family) as "the drunk guy."

While we were at NCCC, Bernie took Jack sledding.  I really wanted to take him last weekend, but it doesn't work so well when you are 3'6" tall and the snow is 3'.  My dad has a good slope for sledding, and while there was only about an inch of snow on the ground, they still had fun.  Bernie took this picture while they were out there.

We all went to Johnston's for lunch with my Dad and Arleen. Bernie saw a program on the Food Network last week and they featured a hot dog wrapped in bacon.  This is apparently native to the Buffalo area and known as a "Whistle Pig." Johnston's has excellent food and their menu includes a whistle pig.  Bernie definitely enjoyed his lunch:

After lunch we picked up our traditional case of wine at Niagara Landing and then headed over to Meredith and Chris' house so that Vivi and Jack could play with Regan. At 16 months, Regan is tall, walking and cute as a button.  She loved "the baby," aka Vivi.  Arleen made Vivi and Regan both the same hat, in slightly different colors.  I got them little dresses to match, hoping we could get some cute pictures of them together.  Trying to get two little girls under two to wear their hats at the same time, sit next to each other, and smile at the camera is nearly impossible, and we had three people taking pictures.  They were cute nonetheless.  Here are a few of the better ones:

Here is my Dad and Arleen with the girls:

At some point in the night we were talking about the schools we were visiting and Bernie was commenting that deciding on a school seems so random that Nick should pick the school based on colors.  A few years ago when they were picking uniform colors for a baseball team, Nick wanted purple uniforms.  Bernie veteod that request saying that purple was a "girly" color.  Meredith is a Niagara University alumni and their colors are purple.  At least one of the other schools we are visiting has purple as one of its official colors. Bernie thinks Nick will attend a school where at least one of the colors is purple since he never had a purple baseball uniform, so Bernie has affectionately dubbed this road trip as "The Purple Nurple Tour."  It's funny, so it stuck.  I'm not in any way advocating any form of bullying that might involve a purple nurple, nor is this an intent to advertise a drink by the same name.  I thought about trying to name the trip something else, like the "every little thing is gonna be alright" trip for the Bob Marley song that seems to get Vivi to sleep when nothing else will, but it just doesn't have the same appeal. Purple Nurple it is.

We ended a great evening with the first of Nick's birthday celebrations.

On Saturday we headed for Louisville to visit Gary and Katie (Bernie's brother and his girlfriend). We stopped at the Hard Rock Cafe in Cleveland so Jack could add to his pin collection. We also stopped at the Cincinnati Outlets. There are lots of great stores there, but it was just too cold to do much exploring.

It was a nine hour drive from Buffalo to Louisville. Nick was recently awarded the role of the King of Hearts in the play "Alice in Wonderland." He spent much of the car ride practicing his lines with a Sean Connery accent. Never a dull moment with this group - LOL.

As I was putting Jack to bed he said, "I'm sad we didn't go back to Pepa and Nana's house." It is hard to leave, but he is also looking forward to celebrating Nick's birthday with Gary and Katie. Despite us correcting him numerous times, Jack is convinced Gary and Katie are his cousins.

Good Night My Angel

I sang to Nick all the time when he was little.  I sang "Blessed" by Elton John, "Always Be My Baby" by Mariah Carey, and "Beautiful In My Eyes" by Joshua Kadison. My favorite (and I think Nick's too) was, and still is Lullabye by Billy Joel.

The most meaningful part of the song is probably in the first verse:

I promised I would never leave you

And you should always know

Wherever you may go

No matter where you are

I never will be far away

It was applicable when he would stay over Bernie's when we were sharing custody.  It is applicable when I've had to travel for work. It is even more applicable now that we are working out plans for what he will do after high school.

When Nick was seven or eight and I was at law school classes late at night, he would listen to what he called "Saliva" on the radio as he was falling asleep.  He actually thought that was her name, as opposed to Deliliah. Sometimes that nickname seems more than appropriate.  I wrote to her and asked her to play this for Nick, but I am not sure she did.  If she did, I missed it and Nick probably did too. I was hoping he would hear it one night and know I was thinking of him while I was stuck in class.

So, Nick, here you are.  On your 17th birthday, as you spend the night at Uncle Gary's house, I am playing this song for you.  Happy Birthday! 

I love you more than you'll ever know,

Mom

Blizzard 2013

We have an insane amount of snow.  There is so much blowing and drifting, it is hard to get an accurate measurement.  We have drifts of over three feet on the deck.  There was only a dusting on the ground yesterday before the storm came in.  It is still coming down but we are only expected to get an additional few inches. When all is said and done, this may be the most snow from a single storm since records were kept, over a hundred years. The roads are still closed, as they should be, many are completely impassible  Our little state has an incredible team of snow plow operators, sanders, etc. I suspect we will be almost completely back up and running by tomorrow.



I am sitting in my nice warm living room, sipping hot coffee, while I type this.  There are 37k+ people in Connecticut and many, many more around New England that aren't so lucky, they lost power. The temperature with the wind chill this morning is 9 degrees. We stayed home one night without power after Storm Sandy and the house got really cold, and the lows were in the 40s.  I can't imagine trying to keep everyone warm with these temperatures.  Just trying to get the cars cleaned off and driveway clear will be challenging with that amount of cold and wind. Hopefully power will restored across the region quickly.

We haven't had the right conditions to go sledding yet this winter (sickness, not enough snow, too cold, etc). It should be a little warmer tomorrow, so I look forward to taking Jack.



Vivian loves music. I had the Baby Einstein station on Pandora on for her yesterday.  Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds" came on and she loved it. She was dancing and clapping.  I've never really listened to reggae or Marley, but it seemed to be the perfect soundtrack for the storm when contrasted with the gloom and doom forecast of the Weather Channel. That song makes you think of laying on the beach in the warm sun, sipping a tropical drink and listening to the waves crash against the shore. Maybe I will adopt the chorus as my new mantra: "don't worry about a thing, 'cause every little thing gonna be alright."

Happy digging.