Embracing Imperfection

Hello, December! Weren't you just here?

We are doing things a little differently this year. We have started the advent book countdown that is all over Pintrest. To gather our books, we stopped at a used bookstore on our way home from Georgia, called "Wonder Book." They have three stores. The one we visited was in Hagerstown, MD. Bernie found them online through Books by the Foot. We originally ordered 100 Christmas books for $29.95 (beat that Amazon) and were hoping to pick them up as we drove through. Our order wasn't ready, and I needed them quickly, so we put together our own set. Wonder Book has everything you could possibly imagine in books as well as records, movies, and comic books. It is huge. I could have spent hours in there. We will definitely have to go back at some point. We even earned a free shot glass with our purchase, the quirkiness is part of the fun.

 

Jack was convinced the store was a library. He asked me three or four times if he had to return the books he purchased. I think he might still be perplexed. He bought the Halloween I-Spy and a witch book with sticky skeletons (are you sensing a theme here?).

Bernie wrapped the advent books. The plan is to open one every night until Christmas. There are some books I want to be opened on certain nights to correspond with the elves (I'll get to that in a moment). In typical husband and wife fashion, I was planning on counting the books down, from day 25 to day 0. Bernie wrapped them 1-25 like the days you would open on a regular advent calendar (I admit this makes sense), luckily we figured out our mistake before he wrapped all the books and I think (hope) they are all in the right order now. Stay tuned (yes, I realize we could have just flipped the pile over, but what fun would that be?).

 

When I mentioned to the kids that we were going to do books this year rather than chocolate, they were less than thrilled. Lucky for them, my cousin Jodi, without knowing my plan, gave them traditional candy calendars. They were thankful for Jodi tonight when they opened the first window (which Bernie  pointed out was #1) and enjoyed their chocolate.

 

Those pesky elves are back but with a new twist. I decided to make them "kindness elves." For the next 24 days, they will encourage the kids to perform an act of kindness. I am hoping in the next few weeks to blog about what Jack and Vivi do, how they feel and what they learn.

The elves arrived last night while the kids were sleeping and left the following note:

 

The elves were laying on the top corner of the television. When Jack woke up, he said in a disappointed voice, "that's not very crazy." When we read the note, he didn't seem that interested. He and Vivi were supposed to give out five compliments today. Jack was afraid he would forget, so he asked me to make a copy of the note to bring to school with him. He put it in his pocket as a reminder. I asked him whether he thought doing a bunch of nice things in December would be fun. He seemed skeptical but said "maybe a little fun" in his best Oscar the Grouch impression.

In preparation of this elf project, book for night #1 (or #25 depending on which side you are on) was, "Sprinkle Your Sparkles." Jack was mad and barely listened because the book has pink on the cover. In my defense, there is also a boy on the cover. The book is about how when you do nice things for others, you sprinkle your sparkles. When a lot of people do that, there are lots of sparkles and everyone feels good. It was admittedly, a little over the top. However, Vivi loves the idea that she has an imaginary pocket full of sparkles that she can sprinkle on others.

 

Yesterday, a small proof reading mistake I made more than three years ago surfaced as an issue. Given the time that has passed, I don't remember all the details.  As a result, I definitely wasn't feeling my best. As I was putting Vivi to bed, we talked about the Sparkles story and doing nice things for other people. She told me that sometimes she is "bad." I looked at her beautiful green, questioning eyes, and my heart just sank. We never tell her she is bad. I've definitely used words like ridiculous and drama queen to describe her actions, but not "bad." Where do they get this stuff? 

When I asked her what she meant by "bad," she said sometimes she cries. She didn't mean legitimate crying for something she really needs or because she is hurt. She meant full blown "why can't I have what I want" temper tantrums. Being three, she has had a lot of these lately. Reasons for tantrums include a broken granola bar, having to sit in the red car seat instead of the blue car seat, not wanting to share a toy, wanting me to carry her all the time when my hands are clearly full, you get the picture.

I explained to her that she is not bad, not even a little bit. Everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions. I made sure she knew that even when she makes mistakes and bad decisions, we still love her, and that we always will. She seemed to accept that explanation and drifted off to sleep. That conversation made her feel better, and it made me feel better too. Kids have a way of saying the right thing at the right time. Sometimes it is helpful to be reminded that imperfection is expected. While we might strive for perfection, it is very rarely humanely possible. All we can do is our best, and in almost every case, that is more than good enough.