In June of 1994, I was eighteen.
I had just graduated from high school and was planning to attend UCONN in the
fall. My parents had helped me purchase a new car for my commute, a gold Saturn
SL2. I had just gotten my drivers’ license. I loved my car, my freedom, and I
especially loved my boyfriend. We had been dating for six months by this time.
He had just finished his second year at Eastern Connecticut State University. I
was working at Sam Goody in the Buckland Hills Mall (it was a store that sold
CDs, tapes, and records – Vivian will never know what these things are). He was
working as a third shift security guard at Rocky Neck State Park for the
season. Working different shifts on opposite sides of the state was difficult
because I wanted to spend every waking moment with him. He was gorgeous with his
big smile and electrifying blue eyes. I loved the way he made me laugh and how
safe I felt in his arms. When we weren’t together, I would wear his oversized flannel
shirts that still smelled like Eternity by Calvin Klein. I was in love and
excited about the future.
My boyfriend was turning
twenty-one and insisted he didn’t want to have a party. Since we were both
still living with our parents, we really didn’t have a place to gather. Making
a little more than minimum wage at the time, I couldn’t really afford to throw
him a party, but I felt that I had to do something. I rented a camp site at
Rocky Neck and invited a small group of friends to come and hang out with us. I
brought a tent, some sleeping bags, cake, and some snacks. One of our friends
brought adult beverages. My plan was for us to sit on the beach and watch the
moon reflect off of Long Island Sound. Alternatively, I thought we could gather
in the pavilion, and then camp out under the stars. We arrived after sunset and
made our way towards the water. It was a chilly night, as many summer evenings
are in Connecticut. Of course, the beach was closed after dark. The pavilion
was open, but there was no power. It was too dark inside to stay there. I never
thought to bring a flashlight. We were not supposed to be in either place, so
the park rangers kicked us out. The rangers had worked at the park for many
years and were much older than my boyfriend. They were not going to bend the
rules for him. My boyfriend didn’t want the rangers to know he was part of our group,
so he would try to hide when they came around. He was afraid he might lose his
job if he got caught. We ended up at our campsite with few supplies. Our
friends didn’t really know each other, so the conversations were somewhat awkward.
It turned out that my boyfriend hated bugs (which seemed to be out in force) and
hated camping. I think we all left to go home by midnight. It was decidedly the
worst party I had ever attempted. I felt terrible; I just wanted everyone to
have a good time.
I had that gathering for Bernie
twenty one years ago today. Some things have changed since then. For one, I throw
way better parties now. Our friends have grown up with us or met us along the
way, so awkward conversations are a thing of the past. My Saturn died many
years ago, mostly because I didn’t think you had to change the oil until the
oil light came on. We’ve done a fair amount of growing up since then, both
individually and together. Of course we haven’t aged at all (yeah, right).
After all these years, some
things have stayed the same. Bernie still hates bugs and camping. You are still
not allowed to be on the beach after dark at Rocky Neck. I still love my
husband. In fact, I love him a little more every day. I still love his blue
eyes and how I feel safe in his arms. I love how Vivian feels safe in his arms
too. I love how Jack tries to make everyone laugh, just like his dad. I love
how Nick inherited Bernie’s sarcasm. On that beach, in 1994, I could never have
imagined the life we have built together. I am so thankful that Bernie chose me
to be his partner. I am excited about our future.
Happy 21st Anniversary of your 21st Birthday, Bernie Edwards! I hope that we get to celebrate many more of your birthdays together. I love you!
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