It's Beginning to Look a Lot Like Christmas

To the first grade girl who told my son that all she wants for Christmas is "Jack and a pair of shoes," he doesn't know your name and he says (in a voice that sound eerily like Lewis Black, "THAT is NOT going to happen"). Geez, shouldn't she be wishing for a Barbie Dream House or something? 

Things are going well with the two preschool program. Vivi was sad on Sunday when she didn't have school and couldn't wait to go when she woke up this mornjng. She's convinced her new preschool is first grade. Jack keeps trying to tell her that she isn't in first grade, HE is in first grade.

We were talking the other day about how parents have first names. Vivi says that Bernie is "dad" when he has hat on, and "Bernie" without a hat. I think that is her way of recognizing that we all have different roles to play in our lives. It was a cute observation.

Speaking of Bernie, that was a very sweet thing he did hijacking my blog. My birthday was nice and quiet. Bernie made an amazing dinner, the kids picked out some yummy cupcakes and my gifts were very sweet. My favorite gift has to be my new running shoes. Vivi picked out the purple.

 

I've always been an Asics girl but the last few pairs of shoes I've purchased felt flat from the outset. They change the model a little every year, and now they are far from the shoe I counted on when I started running again a decade ago. One of my friends had also liked Asics, noticed the change in quality, and switched to Brooks. Bernie has used Brooks since he first went to Fleet Feet. I decided I wanted to try them too. I was hesitating though and in the meantime I was running on Asics that had no life left in them. I might as well have been running barefoot. I'm glad Bernie took the leap for me. I love the Brooks so far and think I might officially be a Brooks girl now. This is way more than you ever wanted to know about my running shoes I am sure. We'll tackle the running socks issue in another blog (riveting, I know).

 

I didn't want have a party for my 40th birthday because my friends are scattered all over the country. Instead of celebrating for one day, the next twelve months are going to be "The Year of Christine." Cheryl made this up first, and then my husband came up with the idea separately (I think). Each month, I am going to either go see someone I love, check an item off my bucket list, or both. No worries, I'll call before I show up on your doorstep :-). I haven't stated planning yet, but I am excited. It will be fun.

I met Jessica at Eastern Connecticut State University, when I was a student there and Nick was just a baby. We have kept in touch over the years, some years better than others. I hadn't seen her since she moved to Philadelphia several years ago. I ran into her (not literally) in a parking garage at the beginning of November and learned that she now works across the street from me. I met her for lunch on my birthday and it was wonderful to catch up. We both learned a lot from a sociology professor that passed away too early, Jean Thorsetenson. She was head of the department. She spoke her mind without a filter, could come across very stern and strict, but had the heart of a marshmallow. She had her JD and encouraged both Jess and I to go to law school, and we both did. For years, Jess and I have talked about going back to ECSU as adjunct professors and teaching a class in Jean's memory on Sociology and the Law, or something along those lines. Hopefully 2016 will be the year we finally put this plan into place. 

The elves have been busy, posing in new positions, coming up with acts of kindness every night, and writing poems about them. It's exhausting really. Whose idea was this anyway? Lol.

Bernie's dad would have been 77 last week. We all miss him terribly, but losing him has been particularly hard on Jack. In his honor, the elves suggested that the kids send Christmas cards to deployed members of the military. 

 

Jack took this task very seriously. It was a good way to celebrate Pepa's birthday. We might have to add this to our annual traditions.

Another morning, the elves suggested that the kids bring coffee to their teachers.

 

Jack enjoyed this one too but was a little disappointed that Miss Groves already had coffee. We talked about how he did a great thing and at the end of the day, it is the thought that counts. Vivi's teachers didn't already have coffee and were thankful for the gesture.

 

Saturday morning, the elves suggested that Jack and Vivi make a donation to Toys for Tots.

 

They very carefully picked out gifts at Kohls that they would want, hoping those gifts would make another child's Christmas a little brighter.

While we were out, we went hunting for our tree. It was the first time we've ever done it without Nick. He is awesome at picking out just the right tree. I was sad Nick wasn't with us, and it seemed that none of the trees were right. We trapsed through two Christmas Tree Farms before Bernie made an executive decision and chose this one.  

Saturday night we attended Colchester's Holiday Homecoming. In my many, many years of being a Colchester resident, I have never attended, nor have I wanted to attend. It seems silly to me. Our town green will never be Rockefeller Center. Jack and Vivi feel totally different. They love our little town and loved everything about the ceremony. We started in the library where the historical society was hosting an open house. There were free books, art projects, cookies and cider, and Mrs. Clause read stories. Jack and Vivi really enjoyed this part and didn't want to leave.

 

We made our way over the the green for the tree lighting. Jack gave the toys they picked out earlier in the day to Officer Rob Suchecki, who was hoping to stuff a cruiser for Toys for Tots. Jack was very proud. 

Santa arrived via firetruck. He circled the green with lights flashing and sirens wailing. The kids were giggling with delight when he made his grand entrance.

 

They also enjoyed counting backwards from 10 for the tree lighting. Jack said it was the best night ever. I'm not sure I would go quite that far or even close, but I am glad they had a good time.

 

 

While we were out, Bernie got the tree up and the lights on, so that we could decorate when we got home. It was Vivi's turn to add the star.

Sunday morning, the elves instructed the kids to leave candy canes on random cars in a parking lot. They chose the CVS parking lot, and they left many candy canes on mail trucks. Jack wasn't sure we should go through with this one but felt much better when a mail carrier who was working on a Sunday, thanked Jack personally.

 

Advent is very busy this year with all of this and reading a new book every night. So far our favorites have been "Pete the Cat's Guide to Life" and "The Giving Tree."

We are  making progress, but there is still a lot to do to get ready for Christmas.

Ho Ho Ho, 15 days to go!

Happy Something-ish Birthday!!!

Today is my wife, my best friend and my inspiration Christine’s something-ish Birthday!! As part of her birthday gift I have decided to blog about her. There are a few things you need to know prior to reading this, I have a sense or humor and can be somewhat sarcastic, I have never written a blog entry before and Christine has been my auto-correct for many years on anything I have written. If my grammar is off, I’m sure she will send out the corrected version.

We have entered into a challenging birthday this year. A birthday, that can be handled many different ways and could cause more harm than good. I have chosen to use this birthday as a celebration of you, rather than a hill that you have climbed. I will not say the number because it is just that, a number. Christine’s value to each person she has touch throughout her entire life does not need a number, but needs to be acknowledge and celebrated. I want to be one of the first and would hope for everyone that reads this, send her a message about how she has impacted your life, made you laugh, helped you or gave you the vision and strength in difficult times. The current world we live in does not always give us the time or the platform to say how we feel about someone, now is our chance!

Dear Christine,

You and I have known each other for almost half of my life. You have blessed us with 3 amazing and very different children; Nicholas, Jack and Vivian. Each of them have changed us for the better and made our love stronger. Each child stays true to who they are, and that is how you are. I can see your influence in each of them, in their looks, personalities and in the things they love. I know our children love you more than you know, even if they don’t get you sometimes. You have always put their best interests in front of your own. You work hard to be the best advocate for them to be successful and to have opportunities to grow. You love them to the moon and back and they feel the same way.

You have always tried to give me the things I would not do for myself. Giving me the vision to look outside my world and become a better person. You were a huge influence on me going back to school and finally finishing, striving for promotions and you gave me the understanding, time and support, when life changed. You encouraged me to sign up for a tennis league, after not playing for years and dealt with all the times I wanted to quit. You have taken me my first show, concerts like Billy Joel, baseball/ football games (Which were great outside of the epic defeats my teams had on those occasions), on vacations (to many places I may have never gone), and countless other adventures. You have pushed to create and maintain family traditions, like cutting down our Christmas tree. Cutting down the tree became more fun when I found a tree stand that gave me the ability not to swear at the tree. You love to take pictures that tell our story and capture moments forever. You throw the best parties, make very cool plans for us and help us celebrate our lives. I admit I may not have appreciated some them at the time, but I do now. Your imprint on my life is something I can’t replace.

You are strength, courage and vision. You have given me the strength to overcome difficulties, the courage to try new things and the vision to see that anything is possible. You fight each day to balance life and work. You make sacrifices for what you deserve, to make that balance work. It doesn’t go un-noticed. You have a beautiful smile, an infectious laugh and an amazing heart. Those traits you have passed onto our children.

I love when you sing, it has grown on me. I love your compassion. I love your eyes. I love that you want to help everyone. I love your confidence. I love that bring people together. I love how you let things go and remain positive. I love that you can trust. I love that you laugh at my jokes and even more you can laugh at yourself. I love that you have great friends that are like pieces to your life puzzle. I love how much you love our kids (and our dog Jenny, sometimes she needs someone in her corner). I love it when you give me a hug. I love your hair, not how much it costs to maintain. I love your drive. I love your courage. I love your support. I love that you try. I love that you don’t take to easiest path. I love that you are concerned about others you haven’t even met. I love your kiss. I love smile. I love that I know you. I love your energy, except early in the morning. I love that you don’t change you to be part of something. I LOVE YOU!!!

I could’ve kept going but some people that are reading this have to work in the morning. I am very thankful for us meeting many years ago. It may have come with some bumps, but I think we are better people and a couple because of them. I am a better person because of us meeting. Consider this Birthday a time to reflect on the lives you have touched and the many more you will in the future. Please share stories, words or something that makes you smile about Christine and how she has made an imprint on your life. Big or small, private or public they all have meaning.

Happy Something-ish Birthday!!!

Love,

Bernie

Spreading Christmas Cheer

There are several options for preschool in our little town. Vivi was waitlisted for one of them. We were fine with that, we started her in the preschool that Jack attended.  We love it, she loves it too.

 

When school started in August, Bernie offered to drive Vivi's friend, Morgan, to the waitlisted preschool. He drives Jack to school, and transporting Morgan is not out of the way. Vivi's friend Dante is also in Morgan's class. The first few weeks of school when Bernie and Vivi dropped Morgan off, Vivi wanted to stay. Bernie tried to explain that Vivi wasn't a member of the class, and had to leave. She wanted to be with her friends. She felt slighted and left out. Vivi was so mad at Bernie, she gave him the silent treatment.

 

Vivi eventually got used to the idea that she had her own preschool and everything was fine. A few weeks into school, the older three year olds, including Vivi, were moved into a 3/4 combo class. Vivi enjoys that class and has really learned a lot. When she initially switched classes,  it was like her second first day of preschool.

 

Last week, Vivi was offered a spot in the waitlisted preschool. We would have turned it down if she hadn't been so adamant about wanting to go. When we told her she could go, her whole face lit up. The dilemma we have now is that we don't want to pull her out of the first program, and the new program is an even bigger time commitment.  She has her whole life to be in school and on a schedule, the last thing I want to do is stress her out, or put undue pressure on her. The decision for now, is that she is attending both, and we will see how it goes.  Today was her third first day of preschool. She was very excited.

Vivi's 3rd First Day of Preschool

 

Acts of Kindness day #1 didn't go so well. Jack said hi to a lot of people but didn't give out any complements, or at least not that he could remember. Vivi really didn't either. Jack said he was going to make his own list and say 10 nice things. We'll see.

For book #2 we read, "Elf: A Short Story of a Tall Tale." Jack loves the movie, "Elf", so he was happy to read this book.

This morning, the elves left this note:

 

Act of Kindness task #2 was to go Christmas caroling. Jack is constantly singing and many of his selections are Christmas songs. I really thought he would be excited about this one. I was wrong. He indicated that he isn't allowed to sing in school. He was disappointed that the elves were on the piano and not wreaking havoc elsewhere in the house. He was sulking, and said, "I hate this Christmas." 

I had created task #2 to correspond with a carol sing planned by the Lions Club (there is a method to my madness - at least sometimes). Jack didn't want to go when the time came. I told him he could stay home with Bernie but would have to be productive; meaning the iPad wasn't an option. He reluctantly put his on coat and shoes and came along. This picture was taken shortly after we arrived. He looks thrilled, doesn't he?

  

After we sang the first song, Jack said it was "kind of fun" and that we should do this every year. He then said that he wanted to take the book of carols home so he could practice. By the end of the night, he wanted to add a book of carols to his Christmas list, and asked if we could do this again this year.  That's my boy! :-)

 

Vivi didn't know many of the songs, so she didn't sing very much. She did put her on her own show for the residents by dancing to the music.

 

 

She even got her friend, Oliver to dance.  Oliver was in preschool class #1. The residents enjoyed watching the kids interact.

 

The pleasant surprise of the night was seeing Colleen Harrison.  When I was in junior high school, my absolute best friend was Allison Pascucci.  I spent a lot of time at Allie's house. I even considered Allie's mom, Colleen, to be my second mom.  I haven't seen Allie in way too many years. So many years in fact, that she hasn't met any of my children, including Nicholas. We have had great intentions of getting together since reconnecting on Facebook, but we just haven't been able to make it happen.  Allie is a first grade teacher.  I'm hoping we can get together for coffee over her holiday break. Here is Jack and Vivi with Colleen:

 

Jack and Vivi were beaming as we walked to the car. They knew that they had helped make tonight a special night for some of the residents. They had fun while spreading Christmas cheer.  This Christmas is likely to be a whole lot better than Jack opined this morning.

Embracing Imperfection

Hello, December! Weren't you just here?

We are doing things a little differently this year. We have started the advent book countdown that is all over Pintrest. To gather our books, we stopped at a used bookstore on our way home from Georgia, called "Wonder Book." They have three stores. The one we visited was in Hagerstown, MD. Bernie found them online through Books by the Foot. We originally ordered 100 Christmas books for $29.95 (beat that Amazon) and were hoping to pick them up as we drove through. Our order wasn't ready, and I needed them quickly, so we put together our own set. Wonder Book has everything you could possibly imagine in books as well as records, movies, and comic books. It is huge. I could have spent hours in there. We will definitely have to go back at some point. We even earned a free shot glass with our purchase, the quirkiness is part of the fun.

 

Jack was convinced the store was a library. He asked me three or four times if he had to return the books he purchased. I think he might still be perplexed. He bought the Halloween I-Spy and a witch book with sticky skeletons (are you sensing a theme here?).

Bernie wrapped the advent books. The plan is to open one every night until Christmas. There are some books I want to be opened on certain nights to correspond with the elves (I'll get to that in a moment). In typical husband and wife fashion, I was planning on counting the books down, from day 25 to day 0. Bernie wrapped them 1-25 like the days you would open on a regular advent calendar (I admit this makes sense), luckily we figured out our mistake before he wrapped all the books and I think (hope) they are all in the right order now. Stay tuned (yes, I realize we could have just flipped the pile over, but what fun would that be?).

 

When I mentioned to the kids that we were going to do books this year rather than chocolate, they were less than thrilled. Lucky for them, my cousin Jodi, without knowing my plan, gave them traditional candy calendars. They were thankful for Jodi tonight when they opened the first window (which Bernie  pointed out was #1) and enjoyed their chocolate.

 

Those pesky elves are back but with a new twist. I decided to make them "kindness elves." For the next 24 days, they will encourage the kids to perform an act of kindness. I am hoping in the next few weeks to blog about what Jack and Vivi do, how they feel and what they learn.

The elves arrived last night while the kids were sleeping and left the following note:

 

The elves were laying on the top corner of the television. When Jack woke up, he said in a disappointed voice, "that's not very crazy." When we read the note, he didn't seem that interested. He and Vivi were supposed to give out five compliments today. Jack was afraid he would forget, so he asked me to make a copy of the note to bring to school with him. He put it in his pocket as a reminder. I asked him whether he thought doing a bunch of nice things in December would be fun. He seemed skeptical but said "maybe a little fun" in his best Oscar the Grouch impression.

In preparation of this elf project, book for night #1 (or #25 depending on which side you are on) was, "Sprinkle Your Sparkles." Jack was mad and barely listened because the book has pink on the cover. In my defense, there is also a boy on the cover. The book is about how when you do nice things for others, you sprinkle your sparkles. When a lot of people do that, there are lots of sparkles and everyone feels good. It was admittedly, a little over the top. However, Vivi loves the idea that she has an imaginary pocket full of sparkles that she can sprinkle on others.

 

Yesterday, a small proof reading mistake I made more than three years ago surfaced as an issue. Given the time that has passed, I don't remember all the details.  As a result, I definitely wasn't feeling my best. As I was putting Vivi to bed, we talked about the Sparkles story and doing nice things for other people. She told me that sometimes she is "bad." I looked at her beautiful green, questioning eyes, and my heart just sank. We never tell her she is bad. I've definitely used words like ridiculous and drama queen to describe her actions, but not "bad." Where do they get this stuff? 

When I asked her what she meant by "bad," she said sometimes she cries. She didn't mean legitimate crying for something she really needs or because she is hurt. She meant full blown "why can't I have what I want" temper tantrums. Being three, she has had a lot of these lately. Reasons for tantrums include a broken granola bar, having to sit in the red car seat instead of the blue car seat, not wanting to share a toy, wanting me to carry her all the time when my hands are clearly full, you get the picture.

I explained to her that she is not bad, not even a little bit. Everyone makes mistakes and bad decisions. I made sure she knew that even when she makes mistakes and bad decisions, we still love her, and that we always will. She seemed to accept that explanation and drifted off to sleep. That conversation made her feel better, and it made me feel better too. Kids have a way of saying the right thing at the right time. Sometimes it is helpful to be reminded that imperfection is expected. While we might strive for perfection, it is very rarely humanely possible. All we can do is our best, and in almost every case, that is more than good enough.

Off the Hook

To my adult son (and eventually to my other children),

I know you have been struggling with whether to spend Thanksgiving with us. In thinking about our interactions, I may have been sending you mixed messages. I want to be very clear: you are off the hook.

We love having you with us. You are always invited, always welcome, any day, any time. That is a given. Always.

Members of this family have used guilt to manipulate people for years. As a result, some people have been driven away and others immobilized. Guilt is one of those things that can destroy relationships. I am not going to use it on you, not now, not ever. If I ever do, I want you to point me to this post and hold me accountable. I love you too much to make you feel bad or guilty about anything. 

The most important thing to me is that you are at peace with your decisions and that you are doing things that make you happy. Life is too short to do anything else. Do what works best for you, your schedule, and your life. You have made many solid decisions in the short time you have been an adult. I trust you will continue to do that. I am in your corner 1000%. 

I am truly fine with whatever you decide about holidays, summers, birthdays, and even beyond college. Those decisions are yours and yours alone. You should be limited by only your imagination. When you figure out what you want, in your own time, and in your own way, please let us know. We want to do what we can to support you. 

There will be times when you are not off the hook; like when your brother is in his first Wimbledon final or your sister is being sworn in as President of the United States. I will let you know when those events happen and will give you as much notice as possible. Until then, you have enough to worry about; and where you are consuming turkey should not be one of them. Whether you are with us, eating a Hungry Man turkey dinner alone in your dorm room (which I really hope isn't the case), or with your new girlfriend (which we suspect might be the case), please know that one of the things I am most thankful for, is that I get to be your mom. It's been an amazing ride, and I don't think that is going to change any time soon. 

Wherever you end up, I hope you are with people who appreciate your debates and sharp wit as much as we do. 

Love,

Mom

Do You Believe in Magic?

Jack loves Halloween, way more than your average bear. He turns seven this year on Thanksgiving. That is a really tough time of year to hold a party. Since Halloween was on Saturday this year, we thought it would be a perfect chance to throw a Halloween Birthday Bash.

This was the invite:

These are the pumpkins carved by my very talented husband:

Jack's pumpkin was the RIP one and Vivi's is Raven from Teen Titans Go!  Vivi's costume was also Raven, although she wasn't really into dressing up this year.  The only pics we got of her in her costume are from her school Halloween party.

Most people run the other direction when they find out you are having 20+ kids at your house ranging in ages from 3-8, for several hours on end. Our friends Marybeth and Scott did just the opposite. Marybeth was my study partner my first year of law school. We work very well together, and we have been great friends since the day we met. After working all day and then driving to our house from Vermont, Marybeth walked in at 10pm on Friday night and asked what she could do to help. She and Scott are a godsend. I don't know that we would have been able to pull this off without their assistance. Marybeth also took many of these awesome photographs.

 

 

I love the fact that Riley (my goddaughter) and Vivi are becoming BFFs. They are still learning how to be friends, and will go from love to hate in a blink of an eye, but love usually wins out. As soon as they are apart, the miss each other.

 

 

If you know Jack at all, you know that Jack loves magic and is always trying to learn new tricks. We decided to surprise him with a magician. We had seen Jon Capp a couple of times at Ocean Beach's Summer Magic Series. Jack loved his shows and I knew he would be perfect for Jack's party. Jon is a high school teacher by day, and is fantastic with kids. If you are looking for party entertainment, I can't recommend him highly enough. He was organized, professional, flexible, and it was truly great working with him. He made Jack the center of the show.

 

 

The highlight of the show was when Jon levitated Jack. You can see the video here.

After the show, Jon made awesome balloon creations for the kids. He made some pretty unusual things like alien hats and butterflies.
 

Of course Bernie made a beautifully decorated and tasty cake. He says I have to give Pinterest credit here, but I wouldn't have been able to do this from a Pinterest picture.

After cake, we tried to play some Halloween party games like mummy races, musical pumpkins, mystery boxes, etc. While they were fun, the kids were more interested in playing in the leaves and just running around. We were lucky to have such a beautiful fall day so that we could be outside. Thank you to Bridgette, DeeAnne, and Michael, who helped with some of the activiites.

 

When the party ended, many kids stayed and their parents joined us for trick or treating. We ordered pizza and we put together some other treats: mummy dogs, coffin brownies, spider deviled eggs, punch with floating eyeballs, chili, etc. My inspiration for this came from years of spending Halloween with Deb Martin. She taught me well!

 

 

A pretty big group of us headed out into the neighborhood trick or treating. Being such a large group, we were hard to miss.  Some of the kids, not knowing the neighborhood, visited some of our neighbor's houses twice, and earned the label "double dippers."

Bernie stayed behind to hand out candy and scare kids with his costume and the fog machine. He didn't want to scare the little kids. One of them had an Elmo costume on and wouldn't come near Bernie. Bernie told the little guy to stay away because the Joker was afraid of Elmo. Bernie acted like he was terrified of Elmo. Elmo approached him, giggling, and quickly retreived his candy. 

 

The line of the night came from Jack while we were out trick or treating: "How many houses do we have to do?" It was pretty funny that he thought there was some sort of Halloween quota. I think he was tired from the day's activities and lost interest in trick or treating pretty quickly. Vivi loved trick or treating for the first two houses and then made Jacoby's dad cart her around in his wagon. The older boys were faster than she was at getting to the doors. If she couldn't be the leader of the group, she wasn't interested in participating.

After trick or treating, Jack had four of his friends spend the night. Although they were all exhausted, no one wanted to go to sleep. It made for a long night, but Jack really loved it, so it was worth the effort. Bernie was going to scare them, but we decided if he did that, they might never actually go to sleep. He has vowed to frighten them when they are older (insert evil laugh here).

Sunday morning Bernie said the 2016 annual Halloween Bash is cancelled. By Sunday night he was thinking of ways to make it better. By Monday, he was considering Halloween decorations on clearance. I think this means we are officially on for 2016 :-)

Thank you to everyone who came either to the party or to trick or treating. Thank you for all of the very generous gifts. I think this will be a birthday that Jack might always remember. He wanted to leave the Halloween decorations up until Christmas, but we were able to compromise on leaving them up until December 1st. 

Happy Birthday Little Man! We love you!

 

 

 

You're Gonna Miss Me When I'm Gone

I've been in Houston for the past week with a dull headache that just wouldn't give up. I didn't figure out why until I watched "Pitch Perfect 2" on the plane. Why did I watch that movie? Because at almost 40, I am still a sucker for movies that involve singing and dancing.

 

At the end of the movie, the girls graduate from college and they all go their separate ways. They have all been changed by the friendships they have formed and they promise to keep in touch. I feel like I've had this same conversation over and over again during the last several weeks. I found myself tearing up at the end of the movie. The person sitting next to me on the plane probably thinks I need medication. Lol.

I have taken a new job at my company. I'm staying in the same department, on the same floor, but switching product lines. I've been downplaying the change because it doesn't feel like all that much of a change, but yet the change is significant. It is a promotion, and it involves very little travel. These are both great things in my book. Plus, I will broaden my knowledge base which will only make me more marketable down the road. I will be working with an entirely new set of clients.

 

I am lying to myself and to my colleagues if I say that I am not leaving behind a whole lot of history and a whole bunch of incredible people. I was telling someone yesterday that I don't think auto will ever hold a candle to the cast of characters I've met in property. I've met so many people that I hope will remain on my journey going forward. I've seen some incredible places. I've found a new favorite city (Nashville), a new favorite desert (bananas foster), and I've learned that people are basically the same every where you go. I've been able to help families devastated by hurricanes, I've helped fight insurance fraud. I've had cases that I am certain I will be telling my great grandchildren about one day.

I've met some people along the way that I consider some of my best friends, LaDonna, Cheryl, and Lesley. Shifts in job titles could never change our past crazy adventures or our future shenanigans (of which I anticipate there will be plenty). I've worked with very talented defense counsel whom I would trust to represent me personally, Becca and Gene. I've even met some mediators and adversaries that I would consider friends under any other context (you know who you are). You have all become my second family, my home away from home.

I am so blessed. I have checked a few sites off my bucket list, drank a few bottles of wine, and laughed until I cried. Time and again we have sat talking at restaurants well past closing time. We have been through marriages, births, and deaths together. You are the people I would take into battle (mostly because I have). Everytime I take a walk down memory lane, I am astonished by how incredibly long and vast that road has become. I have learned so much about insurance coverage, about litigation, and especially about myself. Thank you, thank you, for sharing this journey with me. 

I understand there may be a pot going for how long before, as Lesley says, "I get fire under my feet." Lesley has 6 weeks, I think Becca said 4 months. No one seems to think I will be able to sit still very long. Contact Lesley if you want in on the pool :-)

Thank you to all of you that have helped at home while I've had to travel, to Bernie especially, but also to my mother, my mother in law, to Kellee, and to DeeAnne. It hasn't been easy for Bernie or our kids, but you have been there to support us.

 

I am working with a great new team, with a variety of new challenges. I'm excited about what lies ahead. I'm not happy about being stuck in Connecticut in February, but I will survive. Maybe I will take up skiing or snowshoeing. Stay tuned!

"I've got my ticket for the long way 'round

Two bottle whiskey for the way
And I sure would like some sweet company
And I'm leaving tomorrow. What d'you say?"

- Cups by Anna Kendrick

My Girl

I am writing this on the train on the way to NYC for another day of Sandy mediations. In the never ending struggle for balance, I'm striving to be done in time to make it back for Jack's open house this evening. I made the same mad dash home last year and was only fifteen minutes late, so there is hope.

Additionally, today is preschool orientation for Miss Vivian. She'll go for one hour today with her dad. Although I'm a little disappointed that he gets to take her and not me, this is his job. Bernie will be the one volunteering in the classroom. It makes sense that he goes to orientation with her. Next week she'll start going two mornings/week on her own. She is beyond excited. I will be home next week to see her off on her first full day, pick her up, and take her out for a celebration lunch.

I'm a little sad, but not for all the usual reasons. Of course, I wish she would stop growing so fast. I'm sad because this is her first real foray into the world without us. I wish I could wrap her little heart in bubble wrap. Her teachers are amazing. We know because they were Jack's teachers. I know they will protect Vivi as if she was their own. We are privileged to have found such an amazing place. However, we all know that kids can be mean, especially when they are still learning how to be friends. The teachers can't and shouldn't stop every unfortunate interaction. It is through these interactions that our kids begin to understand how to navigate relationships. It is also through these interactions that they begin to question their place in the world. 

Vivi is not self conscious about anything. I wish she could always be so confident. A few months ago, we were taking a hotel elevator to the pool. She looked in the mirror and proudly stated, "I look cute in my bathing suit." She had on her Elsa bathing suit with a little tutu and she was right. She looked adorable. Last week she said, "I love my curls." I love them too. I hope she never straightens her hair.  Although, I'm certain she'll try straightening, coloring, cutting it, and whatever else has been invented by the time she reaches her pre-teen years. Thanks to our hair dresser, Sue, who sold her temporary color, Vivi already likes to add purple streaks in her hair. Purple is her favorite color.

The words from "The Help" echo with me when I think about my girl. I want her to know that she is kind, she is smart, and she is important. She is also spunky, viviacious, and a force to be reckoned with at times (God help her teachers). She is so many positive things, wrapped up in a tiny little package.  I hope she is resilient enough to not let anyone dampen her incredible spirit.  She truly is my sunshine. I never want her to be anything but her own, perfect self.

Have a great day, baby girl. I love you to the moon and back!

Dischord

I have an earworm. I just learned that term. Urban Dictionary defines it as "a song that sticks in your mind, and will not leave no matter how much you try." I almost always have one, but this one different, it has stuck with me since last week; and it isn't going anywhere.

Sometimes you have experiences that resonate with you in ways you would never expect. That is what happened to me on Thursday. I had finished a mediation in New York and I met up with Nick and Emma. They had taken the train into the city with me in the morning. When we were trying to decide what to do, I suggested two things that none of us had seen or done before. One was to visit the "Strawberry Fields" section of Central Park and the other was to eat at "Tom's Restaurant," which is featured prominently in Seinfeld and in Suzanne Vega's song, "Tom's Diner."

Although I've listened to the Beatles and some of Lennon's solo material, I've never really followed them. To me, visiting Strawberry Fields was just one of many things you can do when you find yourself meandering through Central Park. We discovered however, not surprisingly, that the Lennon Memorial is visited by many diehard Beatles fans.

I also discovered that this simple and beautiful memorial is incredibly moving. For me, it is less about Lennon, and more about peace, and the quest to find common ground. Although this is a designated quiet area of the park, there was a musician near the circle playing "Imagine" and other related songs. I suspect this is often the case. I read after the fact, that 121 countries contributed to the site by sending trees and flowers. There are few things that would summon such international support. The 2 1/2 acre section of the park provides a kind of serenity that is hard to find elsewhere in New York City. The tranquility took me a little by surprise.

Since we left the memorial, "Imagine" has become my earworm.

I was explaining to Nick and Emma that I believed "Imagine" was one of those songs that transcends generations. Nick being the comical genius that he is, likened it to "Baby Got Back." I hope he is wrong. Someday, at least a decade from now, when I do have grandchildren, I hope I don't have to listen to them sing "I like big butts and I can not lie." My guess is that Nick will make sure this happens.

"Imagine" is just as relevant today as it was when it was written in 1971; maybe even more so. Then we were at war with other countries, now we seem to be at war with ourselves. Over 40 years later, we are still searching for a way to break down barriers, to eradicate violence, to find acceptance, to find love. It doesn't feel like we have made much progress. For me the song is a sad reminder that although we proclaim we want peace, we do little to actually move in that direction. I believe it is possible. Yet as a society, we can't seem to wrap our collective heads around how to make it happen. Sometimes you have to sacrifice a little to achieve something great for the common good. We have given so many lives to fight battles for and in other countries. Yet, it seems we give little effort and attention to the battles in our own neighborhoods. This is becoming even more clear to me as I begin to represent children in DCF cases.

I thought if I listened to the song, maybe I could get rid of the earworm, so I downloaded "Imagine" from iTunes and proceeded to find it in my song list. I hit play. I was startled when that song ended and the next song in alphabetical order started; because it was "The Imperial March." I downloaded Darth Vader's anthem for Jack many moons ago. The dichotomy between the symbolism of those two songs is the discord we live in. Darth Vader constantly battled with good vs. evil; as most of us do. Evil comes in many shapes and sizes. We all have our own demons. It seems Lennon did as well.

In the midst of all the chaos and tragedy plastered all over the news, I still seem find hope with each sunrise. Maybe I am a hopeless optimist, but I firmly believe that each day, every day we can do better. Maybe we will get there, eventually. Maybe we will get there together. Maybe. Maybe someday I can send my kids to school or take them to the movies and not worry about losing them to violence. We can do better for our society, for ourselves, for our children. Just imagine the possibilities.

 

 

"You may say I'm a dreamer,

but I'm not the only one...

I hope one day you'll join us

And the world will live as one."