The Edwards Family Blog: Transitions

What happens when I don’t blog for a few days? You get a novel.

Our Christmas was nice and somewhat low key. Jack didn't want to go to bed on Christmas Eve, but then slept until 8:30am on Christmas morning. The funniest moment of the day came right after he got up. He wanted to go downstairs to see Santa. He apparently thought that Santa came to deliver presents and then slept on the couch. We kept talking about Santa coming, but I guess we never talked about Santa leaving. Jack got over any disappointment quickly when he saw that Santa delivered the castle at the top of his wish list.

We changed the format of Christmas a little bit. Instead of doing a big Christmas dinner, we had Christmas brunch with Bernie's parents and my mom. We then opened presents with Bernie's parents. Shortly after they left, my brother and sister showed up with their families. We were just going to have dessert, but my friend Debbi suggested we pick up some stuffed breads at Angelo's Bakery. I am so glad I took her advice. It was delicious. After stuffed bread and desserts, we opened more gifts and then everyone went home. I think this is a format we are likely to use again in the future, although I'd probably tweak the menu a little bit. Next year I want add crepes or baked brie to brunch. I won’t repost the Christmas pictures here since I’ve already shared them on Facebook.

The day after Christmas I had to go to Orlando for a meeting. It was round trip in a day, so I booked the 6am flight. I am almost an hour from the airport. This meant my having to get up at 3:30am and leaving around 4am. I got up on time, got ready, grabbed my bag and headed out. I was completely exhausted from Christmas and from the fact that Vivian didn't sleep so well that night. While I was driving to the airport, I had the nagging feeling I was forgetting something. I remembered what it was as I pulled into the off-airport parking place. I forgot my wallet which contained my drivers’ license. I had put it in Vivian's diaper bag when we went to Angelo's on Christmas Eve and had forgotten to transfer it to my laptap bag. I drove all the way home to get it and then all the way back to the airport.

The meeting was pushed back an hour to make up for my mishap, so I was only twenty minutes late. At its successful conclusion, I made my way back to the Orlando airport. My flight to Atlanta where my layover was, was delayed. There was winter weather all over the country, and that included Hartford. By the time I got to Atlanta, I had a migraine and was feeling miserable.

We boarded the flight for Hartford and it too was delayed. The pilots introduced themselves and told us about all their flying experience. They told us that the flight was likely to be bumpy because of the weather situation. Then they told us they were adding more fuel in case they couldn't land in Hartford and had to divert to Bangor or Baltimore. None of this was helping my headache, but I decided to see if I could sleep it off. It worked. I woke up as we were making the approach into Hartford. We landed only about forty minutes late. I got home safely around 2am, and at that point the roads were almost clear.

I went from cold winter weather to warm sunny Florida, and back again in less than twenty four hours. This whole experience got me thinking about transitions. I know a lot of people going through some big ones right now - new jobs, new marriages, new babies, relocations, etc. We expect the big transitions to be bumpy, but as adults we think we can handle the "little" ones. We are agile and flexible. We spent enough time pouting about recess being over in grade school to know that pouting doesn't help, and we have to move on to the next subject. Transitions aren't always as easy as just going through the motions. If they were, I would have had my wallet with me the first time I arrived at the airport. My mind and my heart were still at home with my family.

In 2012, I managed to have a baby and get promoted. These changes made these transitions starker than ever. By day I am preparing corporate representatives for depositions, negotiating terms of settlements, writing coverage opinions, and working out trial strategy. By night I am changing diapers, singing lullabies, reading stories, playing pretend, devising thesis statements for American Literature papers, and counseling the kids through the latest crisis, whether it is trying to decide whether to play a particular sport, or why a child at daycare wouldn’t share a game. I end up in a meeting at work wearing a spit up stain. I find toys in my brief case. I take conference calls in the car on mute, begging Jack to be quiet, as I drive home from daycare. I recently found a picture that Jack drew on the back of a draft of a Motion for Summary Judgment (it totally made me smile). Technology is my best friend and worst enemy rolled into one. I have flexibility to work from home when the kids are feeling under the weather, but yet trying to “unplug” physically and mentally seems a near impossibility. Someone always requires my attention, sometimes that person is two feet tall, and sometimes that person is multiple layers above me at the company. I do my best to keep it all together. Some days go off without a hitch, on others I fail miserably. I find that it is hard to go from one to the other. Sometimes on Saturday morning, I am not sure where to start with being a full time mom. On many Monday mornings I find myself missing Vivian’s “kisses,” playing with Jack, or Nick’s witty comments. Finding balance seems to be a reoccurring theme for me, so it is safe to say I have not achieved it yet.

None of this includes trying to keep the family unit somewhat organized and running efficiently or trying to make time for extended friends and family. Sometimes I wonder how I can still formulate a coherent sentence by the time my head hits the pillow. Bernie might tell you that I cannot. None of this would be possible without him. I don’t know how single parents do it. It seems like two of us just isn’t enough.

As we head into 2013, people are making their annual resolutions. I have two. The first is to more successfully make the transitions between work and home, so that I am not constantly on my iphone when I am with the kids. I am going to make an effort to shut it off completely between the time I get home from work and when they go to bed. Doing this on the weekends is more complicated since it is my only method of communication with the outside world. Hopefully by doing this during the week, I can be better at compartmentalizing on the weekend. My second resolution is just to be more disciplined. There are so many things I want to be better at, to be a better example for the kids. I think I can accomplish quite a bit if I can just be a little more disciplined and stay a little more focused, particularly when life gets in the way. I am hoping that by being more general in this resolution, I can be more successful than in prior years, in accomplishing the larger goals. As with most things, time will tell.

Although this is completely off topic, I feel like I need to comment on the story that one of the parents of a survivor at Sandy Hook has sought permission to sue the State of Connecticut alleging that the state could have done more to prevent the shooting. I have seen a lot of negative publicity and comments about this action. People want to know why the parent can't just be happy that the child survived, or why anyone would try to profit from this horrific event. I don't know the parent, or the child. Greed might be the motivation, but I have a hard time believing that. A lot of changes come about as the result of a lawsuit. Some of these changes are ridiculous- such as the warning on your coffee that your beverage is hot. Some changes are helpful such as smoking bans in most public places. This lawsuit is a way to keep Newtown on top of the state's agenda and to help ensure meaningful action. The parents of the survivors are trying to reassure their children that they are safe, this lawsuit is a way to help them make good on that promise. Perhaps if they win the lawsuit they will donate money to schools trying to beef up security. Schools are having a hard time paying teachers and purchasing curriculum. Top-notch security systems are not in the budget. I simply don't think we should judge people generally, but especially not in this situation. We really have no idea what these people are going through, and I certainly hope more of us don't have to find out. I guess I am just asking you to keep an open mind.

Finally, since this is the last post in the "month of Bernie," I just have to appreciate that he shoveled us out after Winter Storm Bryan (if you watch Channel 3), or Winter Storm Fryer (for those of you who watch the weather channel). Hurricanes only have one name, I'm not sure why we can't get everyone on the same page with respect to winter storms.