A Matter of Trust

Your kids learn to trust you at a very early age.  It’s a process that takes place without much thought.  Your baby cries, you pick her up. When she is hungry, you feed her. When she is wet you change her.  When she is tired, you rock her to sleep.  When she throws her toys on the ground, you retrieve them.  As she grows, the tasks change, but the process continues. You child relies on you for everything, and you are the center of her universe.  Studies have shown that even as teenagers, parents have more influence over their kids than any other, including peers and the media. For better or for worse, children model the behavior of their parents.  As I am completing my mental “to do” list everyday, I am simply doing what needs to be done and not really thinking about how my action or inaction is molding how my kids perceive and interact with the world and with me. That is, until something stops you in your tracks and reminds you, I had one of those moments this past weekend.

We went to Sesame Place. When I say “we” I mean Bernie, Jack, Vivian, and I.  Nick understandably decided to sit out this adventure.  It was our first family trip without him and we definitely missed having him with us.  This was my third trip to the amusement park geared toward the juice box set.  I had gone once with my parents when Gayle and Brian were little; and Bernie and I took Nick there in 1999 when he was three.  I was not able to find pictures of the previous visits to post.  We do have a VHS Tape of a live show that Bernie and Nick participated in.  They both had to follow directions of the Sesame Place crew against a blue screen and did not find out the plot until it was all put together at the end. As part of the skit, Bernie was supposed to “catch” Zoe. He missed and she fell to the ground.  Nick thought it was hysterical that Daddy dropped Zoe. When we got home, Nick watched that video tape over and over again.  We were hoping to do something similar with Jack, but either we could not find it, or Sesame Place does not offer that attraction anymore.

It was interesting to contrast our visit to Sesame Place with Nick to our visit with Jack.  They have very different personalities. Nick was not interested in any of the thrill rides; he really just wanted to play in the water.  The second ride Jack got in line for was the tallest water ride in the park. When Nick found something he liked, it was impossible to get him to move on. He just enjoyed what he was doing and not worried at all about whether he was missing something.  Jack on the other hand, had to have a plan.  Here he is plotting out his next move on the map:

It was also interesting to contrast Bernie and I as parents navigating through the park 13 years ago as opposed to now.  In 1999, we didn’t have GPS.  We got completely lost and somehow ended up in some interesting neighborhoods of Philadelphia in the middle of the night. We were at the park from open to close, trying to pack everything into one day. We tried to eat in the overcrowded, overpriced restaurants, frustrated when we stood in line for what seemed like an hour only to find there was no where to sit. I wanted Nick to meet all the characters and try all the rides, and was irritated that he had a much different idea of how to explore.  We struggled financially when Nick was little and taking him there was a special treat.  I wasn’t sure we’d ever be able to go back, and I didn’t want him to miss anything. We ended the day sunburned, dehydrated and completely exhausted.

This time we had a much better idea of where we were going, and arrived at our hotel less than a mile from the park, in time to put everyone to bed at a somewhat reasonable hour.  This time, we ate breakfast in our room and brought snacks to the park.  We got a later start and stayed until the afternoon parade.  We ordered a late lunch/early dinner for pick up and went back to our room to eat it and relax for a few hours.  We then went back to the park to try some dry rides and see the nighttime parade.  Sunday morning we checked out of the hotel and went back to the park for a few hours before heading home.  We still packed a lot into the weekend, but we let Jack guide us and we did everything at a much more relaxed pace.  My only goal was for Jack to have fun.  The very different thing about this trip was that we had a baby with us.  Vivian was great all weekend, as she usually is.  There isn’t much for a three month old to do at Sesame Place. Much of the time, Bernie did things with Jack while I took care of Vivian and took lots of pictures.

Here Jack and Bernie are floating in Big Bird’s Rambling River.  Although the water was freezing (as it was throughout the park), Jack said this was one of his favorite parts:

In this picture, Jack could make the train move, but instead he is making Daddy do all the work:

Here is Jack in the wave pool.  This is the water feature that Nick absolutely loved:

Jack loved climbing “Cookie Mountain” and sliding down:

He also enjoyed jumping on “Ernie’s bed”:

Jack was not really into the characters this time.  We really didn’t try to get pictures with the characters since we got so many great ones when we were at Busch Gardens in March. He wanted to meet the Count but we couldn’t seem to make that happen. Here is one of Cookie Monster (Bernie’s favorite) in the parade:

There is a “neighborhood” that looks like the actual set of Sesame Street.  Here, Jack and Bernie are on the fire truck:

Here is a picture of Jack and I on the carousel, just to prove I was actually there!

Here are a few of Vivian.  In the first one she is waiting for the parade to start. In the second one, she is sleeping while I wear her around the park in the Ergo carrier.

My favorite part of the trip, and where Jack reminded me that Bernie and I are truly the center of his universe, was on the Nets and Climbs attraction.  Jack wanted to go on it, and I could tell from the look on Bernie’s face that he did not.  Bernie found a bench and gave Vivi a bottle while Jack and I climbed the stairs to the top of the three story high structure. You can see through the nets from the top all the way down to the bottom.  It is a maze connected by tunnels. There is no physical way to fall through the nets (unless they fail) and there is a safety net underneath just in case. The nets are slanted downward toward the center, so that you have to go down into the net to start and then climb up to get to the next platform or level.  Jack needed help getting started but then took off like a pro.  As we headed into one of the tunnels, he froze.  He looked down, saw how high we were, then looked at me with those big baby blue eyes and said, “Mommy, I’m scared. I don’t want to fall.” It is not easy getting your footing on the nets, and it is a little frightening when you stop and think about how high you really are.  I told Jack to take my hand, and not to worry, that I had him, and that I was not going to let him fall. I could see him begin relax. I was not entirely sure I could prevent him from falling, but I knew he needed the reassurance, and that if he did fall he wasn’t going very far. He was very tentative with his movements, but he kept going. When we finally got to the other side, he was beaming.  He was so proud of himself, he couldn’t wait to do it again.  Here is a picture of him up there that I took with my iphone, I had to hold on to him to keep him upright in order to snap the photo.

We did climb the nets a second time.  Jack was a little more confident but still needed some hand holding and encouragement.  I am so proud of him for getting out of his comfort zone and finding the courage to keep going, and to even try it again!  In his moment of hesitation I was reminded of just how much influence I have on him.  If he didn’t trust me, we might still be stuck up there in those nets.  I was able to talk him through the obstacle without a major meltdown. This showed me that he does actually listen when I talk to him despite the tantrums and the selective hearing (I swear sometimes I think I am talking to myself – LOL). All of those little, seemingly insignificant moments of parenthood, go a long way when it really matters – when your kids are actually in danger, or just believe that they are. I read somewhere recently that if you don’t pay attention when your kids try to tell you “little things,” they won’t talk to you when they need help with “big things,” because to them the little things have always been big things. So true! I am guilty of tuning Jack out when it seems like he won’t stop talking or there are “more important” things that need my attention. Our time on the nets reminded me that I can be a better teacher and a better example if I spend more time actively listening and addressing what is important to him.  Once again, I think I am learning more from my kids than they are from me.

We had a great weekend.  Jack was sad to leave.  He wanted to live right there in Langhorne, PA.  He is looking forward to going back to Sesame Place when his little sister is big enough to go on the rides and play in the water with him.

Here's the Story of a Lovely Lady...

We've spent the past three months introducing Vivian to her various family members.  I thought I would take some time to introduce you to them as well.  You've pretty much already met my grandparents, one of my aunts, and Bernie's side of the family.  Here is my side.  We are kind of like the Brady Brunch except slightly more dysfunctional.  The other inspiration for this post is that we are currently at Sesame Place (I'm sure I'll be writing about that soon).  One of the songs that managed to get stuck in my head is, "Who Are the People in Your Neighborhood." This is just a variation - sing along with me: Who are the people in your family? 

This is my mom.  She is very pretty, although you wouldn't know it from any of the pictures I have of her because she is always looking down.  She is the Pastor of a Lutheran Church.  In her spare time, she helps build boats as a volunteer.  That's right, she's smart, and philosphical, creative, organized, and she knows how to use powertools. She is the family's most eligible bachelorette. Drop me an email if you are interested, once you undergo a rigorous screening process, I may decide to pass your information on to her.

This is my Dad. He works for TMW Systems, a company that (at least in part) helps companies cut costs by determining the most efficient means of getting product delivered.  When he isn't working (which isn't often - I inherited that "workaholic" gene from him), he is playing golf or guitar and volunteering with the Western New York Blues Society.

My parents had three kids, of which I am the oldest.  My sister, Gayle (shown below), is the middle child.  She is a Patient Care Tech at Day Kimball Hospital. She loves to play the flute and is very good, but I am not sure she has much time for that these days.  She volunteers with the Putnam Little League.  She has wanted to be a nurse for as long as I can remember, and would be very good at that profession.  Hopefully soon, she will find the time and resources to make that dream come true. The world could use more nurses with Gayle's patience, attention to detail, and compassion.

Brian is the baby of the three of us.  He works for the State of Connecticut caring for adults with developmental disabilities.  In his free time, you can often find Brian on-line playing video games with Nick.   He loves baseball and is a talented writer, though I am not sure he would admit that. He seems to always be attending a minor league baseball game or women's basketball game.  Why he hasn't yet finished his degree and become a journalist for ESPN is something I don't quite understand. I guess many of us fall into jobs for various reasons most of which have little to do with what we are actually passionate about.

Gayle is married to Phil, also known as "Mr. Mom." His abilities are somewhat limited by a condition known as tunnel vision. Gayle has always worked and Phil has managed the homefront. He enjoys helping out with the Putnam Little League, listening to 80s hair bands, and racing (NASCAR?) online. Phil hasn't met Vivian yet, so here is a picture from last summer.

Gayle and Phil have four awesome kids: Jessica, Colin, Tyler, and Kerrigan. 

Jessica is my sister's stepdaughter and is the same age and grade as Nicholas.  She also not had a chance to meet Vivian and I haven't seen her for awhile, so I stole this picture from her Facebook page.

Colin and Tyler are twins and are 12. Colin is a few minutes older than his brother.  Tyler was born with a congenital heart defect (the subject of a past blog). They both love baseball and the Redsox.  This is Colin:

This is Tyler:

 

 Here is Kerrigan.  Kerri is almost 9 and loves holding Vivian and playing with Jack. She is going to be a terrific babysitter in a few more years.

Brian is gearing up for his November wedding to Gina.  Gina is an artist. I have yet to be able to attend one of her art shows but I hope to do so in the near future.  When she isn't painting, she is teaching at a Montessori preschool. In her free time, she enjoys mining for diamonds in Herkimer, NY and attending renaissance fairs.

Brian's stepson Codi is 11, and seems to play a sport every season whether it is baseball or basketball. Codi has not yet met Vivian either, and we haven't seen him in over a year (but hopefully we will soon), so here is a picture my brother sent me:

My Dad, married Arleen, my stepmother, almost ten years ago.  Arleen has four children: Lindsey, Meredith, Caitlin, and TJ. She retired from teaching a few years ago.  She was at one point in her life paralyzed from an accident, but she worked her way back and has since completed several half marathons, and at least one full marathon. She is a personal trainer. When she isn't out running, she is knitting. This is Arleen with my Dad, Vivian and Regan (we'll get to Regan in a little bit):

 

Since you really can't see her here, here is a picture taken at my grandparents' house in the last year or so:

 

Arleen's oldest is Lindsey.  Lindsey is also an attorney and works for Adobe. She has played professional women's football and currently participates in roller derby.  She is getting married in September.  Unfortunately, I have not seen her since my dad and Arleen got married; so here is her Facebook profile picture:

As an aside, I do sometimes talk about "Lindsey", but its usually my cousin Lindsey in Georgia who is my Aunt Kelly and Uncle Rich's daughter. I'd post a picture of that Lindsey here (since I do have one with Vivian), but as a condition of taking the picture, she made me promise I would not share it, so I won't.

In addition to having two Lindseys, we also have two sets of twins in my family (actually 3 if you count my cousin Kenny's daughters). Arleen's middle two daughters Caitlin and Meredith are twins. I always look forward to spending time with them when I visit Dad and Arleen, and definitely consider them to be my sisters. Caitlin works for Homeland Security - seriously - don't mess with her! I don't have a picure of her with Vivian, but I do have one of her with Jack (he is trying to convince her to make a painting with him at the Lewiston art show last weekend - which she did):

 

 Since you really can't see her in this picture, here is one of her and her boyfriend Kenny from last summer when I went to Buffalo for Meredith's babyshower, and to escape Hurricane Irene. Kenny is a chef by trade. Aren't they cute?

 

This is Meredith.  I took this picture at her baby shower, and she was even beautiful when pregnant (not many of us are - LOL). She works at Time Warner Cable. I am embarassed to admit that I don't know what she actually does there, but I do know that she was recently promoted and will be hopefully coming to visit us in September in connection with a business trip.  Her nickname is "mom-zilla" but that is totally not fair, she is a great mom to little Regan.

 

 This is Meredith's Fiancee' Chris, also known as "Saint Christopher." Like Meredith, he works at Time Warner. I  believe he is a computer geek by trade. He likes to play golf and drink beer.  He and Meredith did meet Vivian last weekend.  In fact, we were at their house, but somehow I did not manage to get pictures.  This is one of Chris from last summer.   

 

 

This is Meredith and Chris' daughter is Regan.  She is adorable (as you can tell by this picture). She will be one in October, and is the closest cousin in age to Vivian. I hope that they will grow up to be good friends.  They were very interested in each other last weekend.

 

 

Last, but certainly not least, is TJ.  While I haven't seen TJ in quite sometime (long enough where I had to steal his picture from Facebook), he almost singlehandedly saved my wedding reception from sudden doom by downloading music I wanted (the DJ didn't bring it). TJ works at Starbucks and will be attending Pitt in the fall. Here he is with his girlfriend Laura, whom I hope to meet at some point in the near future.

 

That's it!  That is my family.

"We have to be optimistic about these things"

To say that Jack is particular about things is an understatement. His routine is very important to him. Every morning for breakfast he has to have his mini-muffins and orange juice. The muffins have to be standing up on his plate. When he goes to bed, I have to read stories first, exactly three books and then Bernie has to play in his room with him until he gets tired. The other day I parked in Bernie's spot in the driveway and you would have thought the world was coming to an end.

There are not all that many adults Jack's really connected with. Pepa (Bernie's father) is one of the lucky few that Jack really loves. I think Jack connected with him almost as soon as we brought him home from the hospital. My friend Lesley from Texas seems to have a catch phrase for almost any situation. In her thick southern accent, she says things like"it's the only hitch in the giddy up." When I described Jack's relationship with Pepa, she aptly said, "Jack thinks he hung the moon." 

Jack loves his hotwheels and when he gets a new car, he can't wait to show Pepa. When we attend Nick's wrestling matches or baseball games, Pepa always shows up with a box of raisins which seems to make Jack's day. When we go to my inlaw's house, Jack runs into the living room to see Pepa in his chair. I don't put much stock in astrology but I've wondered if part of their connection is the fact that they are both Sagittarius. Maybe their connection has something to do with the fact that Jack was named after him, or maybe they are just two peas in a pod. Whatever it is, they are awfully cute together, whether it is picking raspberries, sharing jellybeans, or playing cars.



2012 has been an extremely difficult year, health-wise for us.  Gary has been released from the infirmary and is making strides in moving forward.  My grandfather has recovered well from the spine surgery, is currently cancer free, and has been granted a short repreive from his doctors.  Bernie's mom faced her own health issues earlier this year but seems to be doing better now.  They all seem to be getting stronger hour by hour, day by day.

The latest news: Bernie's dad, John, aka "Ed," aka "Pepa" has cancer. My opinion: cancer sucks and it needs to leave our family alone already.

How do you explain cancer to a 3 1/2 year old?  I've come to the conclusion, that you don't.  We don't really understand it ourselves.  We have simply told Jack that Pepa isn't feeling well, that he was visiting his doctor, and that he is working on getting better.  He seemed to accept that along with the idea that Pepa just needs some extra love and prayers right now.

I've written and rewritten this blog more times than I can count this week.  Yes, he is Bernie's dad, but he's been in my life for more than half my life, so he's my dad too (how's that for logic?).  Ed and I have the same birthday.  Most guys marry someone like their mother.  I'm convinced that Bernie married someone like his father. I know this is hard for Bernie, because I know it is hard for me.  Ed has always wanted a girl but had all boys.  When we found out Vivian was going to be a girl, we decided to have a gender reveal party on Christmas.  Ed was the only person I couldn't keep it a secret from because I knew he would be ecstatic.  Here he is with his little girl:

The first round of treatment is over and now all we can do is wait, pray, and hope that it worked. At the beginning of my grandfather's journey he said "we have to be optimistic about these things." He is a smart man. His determination has enabled him to overcome the many obstacles that have been thrown in his path.

We need to be optimistic about Pepa too and be steadfast in our belief that the treatment worked, and that the rest of 2012 will bring only good news.  One of my favorite quotes is by Vivian Greene and just seems so fitting right now: "Life's not about waiting for storms to pass... its about learning to dance in the rain."

We love you Pepa. Rest up and be well!

Road Trip - Part III

Part of the deal with skipping Typhoon Lagoon on Wednesday was that I promised Nick on Thursday we would go to Six Flags White Water: Atlanta.  He decided he was too tired, and wanted to stay at the house and hang out with his Great Aunt Kelly and Uncle Rich.  Yes, somehow I managed to wear out my 16 year old - LOL. Jack, Vivian, and I went to the Hard Rock in Atlanta to add to his pin collection.  I love this picture:

When we got back to my aunt's house, we got to hang out on the deck.  We had dinner with Lindsey and Jeremy.  It was nice to catch up with them.

Vivian Caroline with her Great Aunt Caroline:

Jack loved Uncle Rich's corvette! He kept calling it a Matchbox Car. 

Friday night Bernie was supposed to fly into Atlanta.  I was going to pick him up and we were going to head to my grandparents' house in Blairsville to prepare  for Vivian's baptism. I had made reservations for him to fly out of White Plains because the cost was much less than Hartford.  He drove the 2+ hours to the airport only to find out his flight was cancelled.  Severe storms combined with a fire at a control tower in Atlantic City had brought northeast air traffic to a grinding halt.  He wasn't able to fly in until Saturday.  Delta did allow him to fly out of Hartford, so it was a little easier for him. 

Saturday was Bernie's birthday,he finally landed around 1pm in Atlanta.  We stopped at Ingles in Blue Ridge to pick up some groceries on our way to Blairsville.  LaDonna and Dean met us there.  They were coming in to attend the baptism as they had graciously agreed to be Vivian's godparents. We got to the "Inn on the Lake" in time to enjoy a spin around the lake on Uncle Rich's boat and enjoy the sunset.

We also got to enjoy an amazing meal prepared mostly by my cousin Jodi and her husband Rob, which included smoked macaroni and cheese (yum)! Aunt Kelly made Bernie a delicious cheesecake with raspberry topping for his birthday.

Sunday was Vivian's baptism. You can read more about that here.

We stayed at the Inn on the Lake until Thursday, enjoying time with my grandparents and playing in the water.  Lindsey and Jeremy came up on Monday night and was great being able to see them again.  Thursday we drove Louisville so that Bernie could stop in and see his brother.

On the way to Lousiville we stopped at Nickajack Dam.  Gary and I had both driven through there but Bernie and the boys hadn't seen it. 

We also stopped at Beans Creek Winery so that Bernie could pick up some wine for his sales meeting in September.  We stopped at the Hard Rock Cafe' in Nashville for another lunch and another pin.  We also stopped at the Opry Mills Outlets to get Nick some additional summer clothes.  Here is Jack trying to be a mannequin at Old Navy:

This was a store that I had to take a picture of because the name cracked me up - "Mullets and Bullets," LOL - not sure you would find that in New England.

When we finally got to Louisville, this was the view from our room:

What I failed to take a picture of was the flashing neon sign off to the left.  Bernie felt like Kramer in the Chicken Roaster Seinfeld episode. 

On Friday, June 29th, Bernie and Nick went to visit Gary at St. Meinrad.  Jack, Vivian and I toured Louisville.  We got Jack's pin at the Hard Rock Cafe, we visited the Lousiville Slugger Museum, we got to have lunch with my friend and former colleague, Brian, and we checked out the Louisville Science Center.  I couldn't get a picture of Jack with the Derek Jeter statue at Louisville Slugger, but here is a picture of him with one of the horses in the city, and one of Vivian, just because she is cute:

We left Louisville Friday night and drove to Charleston, WV.  We were going to drive north through Cincinnati but decided to go east instead to avoid traffic from a NASCAR race and all the construction on the Pennslyvania Turnpike.  We checked into the hotel pretty late.  Their cable and internet was down but we didn't think much of it.  As we were at breakfast Saturday morning we heard people talking about the storm that had come through the night before.  I was walking through the parking lot to leave and a woman asked me if the hotel had power.  That was my first clue that something was very, very wrong.

We got in the car with the intention of driving home that day with a stop at the Outlets in Hagerstown, MD. We had about 100 miles to drive before our gas tank was empty.  Bernie got off the highway to fill up, but there were no gas stations with power.  As we kept driving north, still no power.  We found one gas station that had power but the lines were ridiculously long, so we kept driving.  We got to Gassaway, WV with the low fuel light on, and once again there was no power.  We pulled into the gas station anyway to try and decide what to do. It was there we learned about the Derecho storms that had come through Friday night. There were 3 Million people without power from midwest to the Mid-Atlantic, an outage that rivaled Hurricane Irene.  No one knew when power would return, some estimated it would be at least a week. We didn't have enough gas to get back to the gas station that had power.  A local volunteer firefighter who was trying to help people who were stranded had offered to let us stay at the shelter at the firehouse down the road, an option we seriously considered.  One guy said he had some gas at his house he was willing to get for us.  We weren't sure he was serious, but he returned an hour later with three gallons.  When we tried to pay him more than cost, he declined.  We drove back to the gas station with power and waited, and waited, and waited.  In this picture, you can see the line to the gas station which is in the horizon.

We waited almost two hours, we got to the pump, Bernie pumped $1.49 worth of gas, not even a gallon, and they ran out.  When he went in to pay, he learned that there was another gas station six miles down the road, six miles further from the interstate that was open.  We decided to chance it and drove there.  We waited in line for at least another hour.  It was one of the hotest days of the summer, over 100 degrees. We could not keep the car running because we didn't want to run out of gas, so that meant no air conditioning.  I was trying to keep Vivian cool with the ice from the cooler.  I was trying to make sure I stayed hydrated so I could produce enough milk for her. We had decided that if we couldn't  get gas at this station we would head for the firehouse.  We really didn't have a choice.  We also didn't have any cell service. We got to the pump and this time we able to fill up.  We only had $30 in cash, and their credit card machine wasn't working, but they let us pay by check.  Thank goodness I packed the checkbook, we hardly ever write checks anymore.  We headed as quickly as we could for the Maryland boarder.  We still wanted to hit the Hagerstown outlets but the hotels were sold out.  We decided to head for home and made it finally around 2am.

Bernie had driven through West Virginia once before in February of 2010 when he and Nick went to visit Gary.  They got stuck in a snow storm that time.  Bernie says he will never drive through West Virginia again. That situation makes you realize just how quickly things can go wrong, and how little control you might have.  It was the first time on the trip I felt irresponsible for traveling with my infant daughter.  I am thankful that we did not get stuck in West Virginia. My first day back at work from my maternity leave was the following Monday, 7/2. Even with the West Virginia debacle, I am so glad we decided to take the road trip.  Nick and I will always cherish those memories.  Here is a picture of Jack's Hard Rock pins (he has 8 from road trip: 1. New Orleans; 2. Biloxi; 3. Destin; 4. Tampa;  5. Orlando; 6. Atlanta; 7. Nashville; and 8. Louisville). He is hoping to add to his collection: