What Are You Doing Here?

Nick and I both beat the snow to Connecticut on Tuesday night.  With the winter storm brewing, I was happy we booked his ticket home for Tuesday instead of Wednesday.  Nick was missed by everyone, but especially by Jenny. She had not seen him since August.  She followed him around all weekend.

 

 

Wednesday night we celebrated Jack’s birthday. Bernie made cupcakes utilizing the chocolate Lego guys as decorations.

 

 

Thanksgiving was quiet.  It was the five of us plus my mom and my mother-in-law.  We celebrated Jack’s birthday one final time.  Bernie made an awesome Emmett cake.  The Lego man was made out of chocolate. Fondant was used as the mouth, construction stripes, belt, and pocket.  Bernie also made little wax Lego man candles for Jack to blow out. Jack loved the gifts he received but was sad that his cousins were not able to celebrate with him.

 

 

 

Friday was freezing. It was also the day we decided to pick out our Christmas tree. We headed to the Lebanon Christmas Tree Farm so that we could also see Santa.  Jack and Vivi were both too afraid of him to get very close. This was Vivi’s choice of tree:

 
This is the tree we all agreed was perfect:

 

 

 

When we got home, we left the tree in the driveway for a few hours.  Vivi was very concerned that her Christmas Tree was cold. We eventually brought it in and started decorating.

Pinterest Fail - LOL

 

 

 

On Saturday, my brother, sister-in-law, nephew, and niece came over to see Nick and say Happy Birthday to Jack.  Little Alex is growing way too fast.  She wanted to play with Vivi’s toys.  Vivi was not happy about sharing.

 

Codi has grown very tall seemingly overnight. We thought for sure he was taller than Nick, but he still has a few inches to go. He might catch him by Christmas at the rate he is going.

 

Today we met our good friend Carolyn at Rocky Neck to take our family picture for our Christmas cards.  It is difficult to get everyone looking in the same direction and smiling at the camera at the same time, especially the dog.  My fingers are crossed that we have at least one good picture.  It was a warm, beautiful day.  Nick suggested that next year we take the picture during the summer, but we could not have asked for better weather.

Carolyn is a saint for agreeing to help us with this endeavor every year.

 

 
The beach provided a stunning backdrop.  Jack just wanted to play in the sand.

 

  

 

 
This afternoon, I  dropped Nick off at the train station.  He is on his way back to school.  It was so nice having him with us.   While he was here, Vivi kept asking him: “what are you doing here?”  When he was getting ready to leave, she was visibly sad and gave him a big hug.  This has been a big transition for all of us.  As hard as it is to send him back to college, he is doing great. He is involved with many groups and activities, he is enjoying his classes, he is happy.  I am thankful that his college career is off to a good start, and that we were able to have a few days with him.   Many thanks to my dad for retrieving Nick on the other end and bringing him back to campus.

Nick will be back home in a few weeks for Christmas break, something to which we are all looking forward.  Before the break, he will have to get through his first set of final exams, auditions for the shows for next semester, and three performances of “High School the Musical.”  He is playing Chad in an off-campus production.  He has a lot on his plate, but we know he will do amazing! 

We love you, Nick.  Break a leg!

Thank You for Listening

I am in St. Louis.

I have really struggled with what to write, if anything.  I’m not sure I have anything meaningful to add to this conversation that has not already been said.  My very good friend and colleague reminded me at 4:30am (I couldn’t sleep anyway), that as a white woman with higher education and arguably access to many opportunities, I have a responsibility to say something.  So here are my thoughts on the situation in Ferguson.

First of all, our justice system is broken.  It is broken civilly, it is more broken criminally.  It has been broken for a long time.  People who have sat in jail for years can now prove they have been wrongfully convicted through DNA evidence.  We can all recite numerous cases where we were certain the defendant was guilty but the jury was unable or unwilling to render that verdict. 

I practiced as a defense attorney for a couple of years and I can tell you first hand that you fare much better with the prosecutor when you show up with an attorney you have retained yourself than when you don’t.  There is a huge discrepancy between the haves and the have nots.  It is nauseating. There is little justice in our justice system.

I was not on that grand jury.  I have not heard the testimony nor have I read the hundreds of pages of documents that have been released.  I was not in Ferguson that day.  I am not going to speculate on whether the right decision was reached in this particular case.  I don’t know what happened and I’m going to venture to guess that you don’t either.

What I do know is parents were forced to bury their son due to circumstances that were possibly avoidable. We can be compassionate and empathetic and find ways to support this family through a very difficult time.  What I also know is that although this police officer is not facing criminal charges, his life is inevitably changed forever.  Our kids have a right to be safe. Our police officers have a right to protect themselves.  There is much gray area between those statements.  

I have heard many, many hurtful comments over the past 24 hours.  Many of which I am not going to justify by repeating here.  I’ve heard people say that racism doesn’t exist anymore because we have an African American President.  I’ve heard the people involved in the civil unrest be referred to as animals.   People are saying that violence isn’t the answer.

Here’s the thing.  Racism is alive and well in your community and if you think it isn’t then you can continue to bury your head in the sand, or you can do something maybe a little more productive and just listen.  People are hurting.  People are struggling.  Just because you can name a few people who are successful and have dark skin doesn’t mean we have solved this problem.  It just means that maybe those people had access to opportunities that others do not.

I do not condone violence.  However, if this had been a peaceful protest would anything have changed?  This city has come to a grinding halt.  Schools are closed, shopping centers are closed, people are understandably cautious.  The fires, the vandalism, have sparked a conversation in this community.  It is a conversation that seriously needs to be had.  I watched the local news last night and they paraded leader after leader through interviews, all of them were white.  The police were white, the police chiefs were white, the prosecutor was white, the legal consultants were white, the news anchors were white, and the mayors except for the Clayton Mayor, also white.  If you were a tourist in this town, you would think there are no black people.  That is a serious problem.  We have not solved racisim in the northeast but we’ve at least made some strides in the right direction.  There is some non-Caucasian representation in the leadership of some of our communities and certainly on our police forces.

I don’t expect you all to agree with me.  That is what makes this a great country, that we all have a voice.  I’m just pleading for tolerance, for understanding, for sensitivity, and above all, I am just asking you to listen.

We are all brothers and sisters.  We can use this uncomfortable place as an impetus for real change.  Change starts with all of us putting our judgments and our preconceived notions to the side and understanding what really matters.  Please turn off the news, stop inciting hate through Facebook posts, and just listen.  Thank you.

Everything Was Awesome

Even though Jack doesn't officially turn six until later this week, we had his friend party today.  I gave him so many great venue ideas for his party, yet he picked the one I dreaded the most: Chuck E. Cheese.  Wikipedia should change the definition of unconditional love to hosting a party at this loud, chaotic venue.

 

When I booked the party, I originally opted to use their cake and their party favors.  I essentially pressed the "easy" button.  Jack loves the "Lego Movie."  He was Emmett for Halloween, he joined the Lego Club at school, and everyday he seems to love Legos more and more.  Bernie decided we should at least try to customize the party a little. 

 

I ordered Jack a Lego t-shirt on Etsy that has his name and the number 6.

The invitation

Bernie picked up plain yellow paper bags at Party City and drew the faces on these bags. Amazing, right?

He didn't stop there.  To those bags he added:

 

and

 

He made crayons in the shape of Lego bricks.

 

He made chocolates in the shape of minifigures:

 

 For cake, each child received, a "piece of resistance."

 

Whatever Bernie decides to do for his next career, it should be something that allows him to utilize his artistic talent.  There are a few of us that think he should start his own party planning business to encompass services such as cake baking, creating favors, face painting, and photography.

 

Before the party, Jack was attempting to mimic the expressions on the bags:

 Vivi had to get in on the fun too. Yes, baseball season has been over for a month, but Vivi is still inseparable from her sparkly, purple, Yankees cap.

 

We had a great party host at Chuck E. Cheese.  She kept things about as organized as they could possibly be with so many kids running around. Jack played air guitar and received his rock star birthday medal.

 He blew out his birthday candles a little too soon.

 

 The candles were lit a second time. He blew them out again, this time on cue.

 

 

In the Ticket Blaster, Jack grabbed as many tickets as he could alongside his friend, Luca. Luca had much more success, collecting many more tickets than Jack.  As they walked out, Luca gave Jack all of the tickets he collected. It was a completely unprompted and very thoughtful gesture.

 

 

Jack received many very generous gifts.  He is one lucky little boy.  Thank you to everyone that came out to celebrate and made Jack's birthday truly special.  His party attendees included: Caroline, Christopher, Codi, Dante, Ethan, Jacoby, Lauren, Luca, Shauna, and Zerrin. Thank you especially to the parents that endured the disorder. 

 

 

This is just the beginning of the parties. We get to recognize the actual day of Jack's birthday with a small family celebration.  This will be followed by a gathering of our extended family on Thursday afternoon.  Both of those celebrations will include this guy (who with any luck will be home Tuesday):

Nick's 5th Birthday (February 2001).

 Happy Thanksgiving!

My Date with Jack

At some point last week, Jack had a very specific request for me.  He wanted to go on a date with me; just him and I.  He wanted us to dress up because sometimes when Bernie and I go out, we dress up.  When I asked him what we should do on our date he said we should go out to eat at a restaurant that had either pizza or grilled cheese. Our date had to be at night.  The afternoon was not acceptable to him since when Bernie and I go out, it is often at night.

I picked out my outfit before I went to work this morning and asked Jack if it was acceptable.  He decided that I needed more jewelry and that my hair should be dry.  I grabbed a necklace and assured him my hair would not still be wet at dinnertime.  He often gives me fashion advice and is usually the first person to tell me I look beautiful.  He is very sweet.

This is what my handsome little man decided to wear tonight, all on his own accord:

  

 

Recently, Jack was talking about how he had learned about “community workers” in preschool. He told me that his friend Evie’s parents are community workers because they are pizza makers.  We had not had the opportunity to visit their restaurant.  When I suggested to  Jack that we head to Maria’s Pizza Palace in Westchester, he thought that was the perfect place to go.

Jack was excited to see Evie's parents at Maria's, but sad that Evie was not there.  I explained to him that her parents can't take her to work just like I can't take Jack to work.  We did get her phone number so that we could set up a playdate.  The food at Maria's was very good! Jack and I shared a cheese pizza for dinner and rice pudding for dessert.  I was surprised that Jack tried and actually liked the rice pudding since he usually doesn't like textures.   

 

 

 

This selfie was Jack's idea:

After dinner we were supposed to go see a magician who was doing a show in town as a fundraiser. We didn’t get there in time.  I asked Jack what he wanted to do and he chose duckpin bowling. We drove to Holiday Bowl in Manchester but it did not appear to be open.  The new Dave and Busters recently opened nearby, so Jack and I decided to check it out.  He was so excited, he bounced around from game to game, collecting tickets and showing me how well he could complete various challenges.  I cheered him on every time.   

Jack earned a little more than 350 tickets.  For his prizes, he picked out some fake snow and a squishy, liquid filled, mouse.  He loves the mouse and hopes to use it in the coming week to scare unsuspecting relatives. He is very proud of this acquisition.

We talked, we laughed, we had a lot of fun.  I am not sure where Jack got this idea for our date night, but it was a great one. I hope we get to do it again soon.